Question

按课后练习题目写了篇短文，麻烦大家看看，谢谢

Yeah! I like eggs.
Egg’s shape is ellipse and color is yellow.
Buying eggs is easy. You can buy it almost anyone super market.
Eggs was cooked is very easy. You only need to break it up into a bowl without shell. Then we can fire (我想说点火) and have pan put on fire. Ok, this time you should put a bit oil in pan. Wait a minute we put eggs in pan. After 5 minutes, eggs are finished. Oh!!! I forget to say, you must put a little slat and shallot in pan, Otherwise This egg is unedible. Haw-haw, In China It was called hebaodan(荷包蛋).
Yeah, that is very great. If you don’t believe, you can taste it yourself. I promise you must fell very delicious.
The scientist often said. Everyone had better eat an egg everyday at least. It’s importance, especially to growing up children.
You looked it. Eggs are too good to not have it everyday.

Ps：把什么倒如锅中应该可以用put in吧。除了put in 还可以用什么，fall in 行么？

按课后练习题目写了篇短文，麻烦大家看看，因为刚学着写，最好能简单说下那里错了。啊。最后的最佳答案大家投票吧。以票数最多为准。虽然我很想给每人分。。但没法子。。只能选一个。。还望没选到的朋友见谅。
衷心感谢大家每一个人的解答。
我还是按照投票方式来选吧。。。
因为我上次选了一个，被很多人骂说最佳答案不好。。。我不敢在自己选了。。。 ：（

啊，我个人最喜欢UWontKnow 的，所以的票投给他了。

我本想都悬赏。。但投票只能选择2－3个，我就按照写的字数多的了。。请没选的原谅我。。。谢谢

Answer 1

存在的问题还不少 :)
我不算"专业"人士, 帮你看了看,如下:

Yeah! I like eggs.
The shape of an[注意不要用定冠词the] egg is oval and the color is yellow.
Eggs are familiar food. You can find them almost in any supermarkets.
An egg can be cooked very easily[用被动语态表述,应该这样]. You only need to do it like this:
Break it up into a bowl without eggshell[最好用这个]. Then kindle a fire[kindle a fire,常用词] and put a[第一次提到] pan on it. Ok, it's time for you to put[it's time for sb. to do sth. 习惯用法] a bit of oil in the[再次提到,必须用定冠词,下同] pan. Wait a minute, put eggs in the pan. After 5 minutes, our work finished.[实际上远没这麽简单..你还要拨弄拨弄防止鸡蛋糊掉呢..]
Oh!!! I forget to say, you must put a little salt[原文错了,写成了slat,我帮你改过来] and some curtal shallot in the pan, otherwise, the eggs would be[假设状况,最好用虚拟语气] unedible, haw-haw! Now, this culinary art[这个烹饪品] can be called Fried Eggs, in China we call it Jiandan.
Yeah, that is very great. If you don't believe, you can taste it yourself. I promise you that it will be very delicious.
Scientists[科学家们,不是具体指某一个,不加定冠词] often say,[注意加逗号] everyone had better eat an egg everyday at least. It's important[注意importance的形容词型], especially to growing[正在成长的,不要加up] children.
Now as you see[类似as you know的用法], eggs are good enough to have them everyday[这句话实在不知道你开始为什麽那麽说].

------
注:
ellipse的形容词形式为elliptical,因为在be动词后,需要写形容词形式 不过还有一点ellipse, elliptical, 两个词都是说的是平面内的椭圆形,而不是椭圆体 椭圆体为ellipsoid,oval,形容词:ellipsoidal,oval[形容词名词同型]

荷包蛋, 国外也常有的烹饪法, 一般说成poached eggs 不过, 在这里, 不要告诉老外们,它叫荷包蛋,也不要说poached eggs, 因为荷包蛋一般是说在沸水中煮熟的[打破蛋壳但保留完整蛋黄的]鸡蛋 如上的做法, 叫做fried eggs

口语的时候，可以说类似[Oh!!! I forget to say, you must...]的话, 但在书面表达的时候,如果老师不是个非常活泼的人, 我觉得没必要自己找这个麻烦,该怎么叙述简单把要说的说清楚就可以 :)

另外, 有的拼写错误我已经在更改中去掉了--比如, 注意区分feel和fell

注意时态,often的意思是常常,如果不是敍述过去常常的话,动词要用现在时的形式 said-->say[科学家,不止一个人如此说,要用复数形式]

关於see和look, look,强调的是看的动作, see强调的是看到的结果

fall in, 在表示掉落的意思时,一般是指主语非被动的,或者说在自然力的作用下掉入XX, 比如 fall in love, fall in water.. 在这里作为主体对宾语的一个动作,不能这麽用
我想你这麽问的原因,还是在用中文的思维方式--"倒油进锅",怎麽不用fall呢..在此告诉你, 作为不同语言文化的产物, 英文有英文的产生背景,在学习另一种语言时,不要带著母语的思维方式去理解对方的语言 否则很难融会贯通

另:我只是在你的原文上做了修改，也许有些没有解释 建议你把我修改过的地方和你自己写的原文做下对比，这样才是学习的过程 :)

Answer 2

Egg’s shape is >The shapes of eggs are
Buying eggs is easy >Eggs is easy to buy.
You can buy it almost anyone super market. >You can buy it in almost every supermarket.
Eggs was cooked is very easy.>Eggs are very easy to cook.
Then you(和前文保持一致） can fire the gas and put a pan on the fire.
in pan 〉in the pan
Wait a minute we put eggs in pan. >After waiting a minute,we can put eggs in the pan.
eggs are finished.>eggs will be cooked well.
Otherwise This egg is unedible.>Otherwise,The eggs must be unedible.
taste> try尝试
I promise you must fell very delicious. 〉I promise you that must be very delicious.
often said.>often says
importance > important adj.
You looked it >as you can see
另：fall in 一般指掉落，所以不合适

Answer 3

第二句，最好用the shape of the egg....因为你文中提到的鸡蛋是没有生命的冬冬，所以要用...of...

第四句，因为要从某处买鸡蛋，所以用buy eggs from/in/at总之要有个介词
而且，anyone是修饰人的，修饰物用any

第五句，应该是Cooking eggs is easy.

点火是：light a fire 这句中的have pan put on fire.应该是put a pan on fire.

英语中的‘这时’不是this time ，而是now.

you should put a bit oil in pan.中缺少冠词，应该是you should put a

bit of oil in the pan
eggs are finished不地道，应该是eggs are cooked

I promise you must fell very delicious.
应该改成：I promise you must think it very delicious.

接下来的The scientist often said.这里一般在often,always,sometimes后的动词是一般现在时，而且，最好用scientist的复数。
所以用 The scientists often say.

下面的内容是科学家们说的，所以，用逗号隔开，（或是在后面接that)而不是独立成句：
The scientists often say,everyone ... /The scientists often say that everyone...
然后，everyday 和 at least 的位置对调一下。

It’s importance, 应该改为It’s important(形容词）

especially to growing up children（尤其对于成长中的孩子而言）
应该是 对于.. for.... grow up 是长成的，所以要去掉up.

汉语中的‘你看’不是you look it.是you see.

最后一句最好改为Eggs are good enough to have them everyday.

如果是液体的话，常用的是；pour in
但如果是固体的话，put in 是OK的。fall in 没有这种用法^_^

fall in 的用法主要有2种：
1掉入....中，
2塌陷(垮下,集合,到期)

1比如说，fall in love 坠入爱河 fall in river掉入河中
2比如，
She fell in with my idea at once.
她立即同意了我的意见.

Answer 4

我试着帮你改了一下,用PUT IN可以,FALL IN不行,FALL IN可以用在FALL IN LOVE的时候.
Yeah! I like eggs.
Egg’s shape is ellipse and color is yellow. [THE SHAPE OF EGGS IS ELLIPSE AND THE COLOR IS YELLOW]

Buying eggs is easy. You can buy it almost anyone super market. [YOU CAN BUY IT ALMOST IN ANY SUPER MARKET]

Eggs was cooked is very easy.[EGGS IS VERY EASY TO COOK.]你不能用两个BE 动词.
You only need to break it up into a bowl without shell. Then we can fire (我想说点火) and have pan put on fire.这句我不知道你要说什么,你可以说成[THEN YOU CAN PREPARE THE FIRE]

Ok, this time you should put a bit oil in pan.[NOW YOU SHOULD PUT A LITTLE BIT OIL IN IT]
Wait a minute we put eggs in pan. After 5 minutes, eggs are finished.[EGGS WERE DONE] Oh!!! I forget to say,[I FORGOT TO SAY]
you must put a little slat and shallot in pan, Otherwise This egg is unedible. Haw-haw, In China It was called hebaodan(荷包蛋).
Yeah, that is very great[THAT WOULD BE GREAT]. If you don’t believe, you can taste it yourself. I promise you must fell very delicious. [I PROMISE,YOU WILL SAY IT'S VERY DELICIOUS]

The scientist often said. Everyone had better eat an egg everyday at least. It’s importance,[IT IS IMPORTANT ]

especially to growing up children. 把TO 改成FOR

You looked it. Eggs are too good to not have it everyday.
如果是第一次写还算不错吧

Answer 5

I like eggs.

Egg has shape of oval and its color is yellow.

Eggs are commodity food, can be bought almost every where.

Eggs are easy to cook. You only need to break the egg shell, then put eggs onto an oiled pan, and heat the pan on a cooker. After 5 minutes, eggs will be cooked. You must put a little slat and shallot in the pan too, otherwise it is unateable. In China it is called Hebaodan(荷包蛋).

That was very easy. If you don’t believe it, you can try it yourself. You will say it is very delicious.

Scientists often said. An egg everyday, especially to growing up children.

Eggs are too good to miss.

我其实是按照你的文章重新一边，可以作参考。以下是你英语里的错误。

Yeah, 非正式用语，多为口语
通常不用Ellipse，用Oval
buy it almost anyone ， 缺少From
点火通常说light sth. 比如light the fire
must fell, must 后一定是现在式，应该是feel才对
you looked it 应该说you see
unedible 应该是 unateable 吧
believe 后边应该跟it,him,her 之类的
荷包蛋 英文应该是 fried egg

Answer 6

写得很不错啦!还请别人改正,很有前途,很有前途!一定要继续努力哦!~~~不过问题还是不少的...楼上的都讲得差不多了.还是教你几个写作技巧吧.

1.过程要用步骤词来标识,使文章清晰有条理.比如:first,second,third,这对于初学者很重要.写好句子的问题以后可以解决.
2.英语句子和中文句子的"重心"是不同的,中文里说买鸡蛋很方便,重在说方便,而英语中就要说"It is easy to buy eggs."把重点放前面.因此英语中有很多种句型都是为重心服务的.
3.可以试试用长句子.
5.注:建议不要用文曲星了.
所以,我想把你的文章改成这个样子.
I like fried egg (我爱荷包蛋,这个中心使文章中心突出). it is very easy !First,you should break it up into a bowl without eggshell.Second, put a pan on fire and then put a little oil in it.When the oil is hot enough ,you 'd better put the egg into the pan . Five minutes later ,it is finished .Oh! I forget to say, you must put a little salt and some curtal shallot in it, otherwise it will be (没发生) unedible. Haw-haw, It is called hebaodan in China (荷包蛋).
It tastes great! If you don’t believe, you can taste it by yourself. I promise that it is very delicious . It said that(the scientist often say that) everyone had better eat an egg everyday at least. It’s important especially for growing children.
You see, Eggs are too great to miss it everyday.
小改动就能变成地道的文章.
还有,waichinglee写得很出色,可以当作范文体会.