Question

帮忙修改下英语作文，谢谢

人口增长问题解决
In contemporary world, as society is progressing rapidly on all fronts, many problems have arisen, one serious of which is population explosion. This debated issue has a great impact on human life to some extent. In my opinion, there are both social and personal reasons for it.
To begin with, many nations facing population growing have no clear and powerful law to supervise it. With no barrier, many babies are born just for their parents’ willing. From my own perspective, It would make a difference if authorities legislate involved laws and offer some subsidize to reward those families having only one child.

Further more, the poor public awareness is also a factor to this phenomenon. Due to lack of education, a majority of people know a little about what troubles will be brought by the increasing population. To solve this problem, government should do more publicizing to arouse civil awareness, which will relieve this pressure effectively.

The third reason should be mentioned is that the traditional concepts in most developing countries encourage people to give birth to babies as many as possible. People in those societies believe that luck and happiness can be brought to the families with lots of children, thereby improving the population explosion. I deem, national involved department may enable people to know cultivating too many kids will exert a huge economic burden, which is overweight the advantages.

To sum up, there are many reasons contributing to this phenomenon, but I am convinced that we can dispel this phenomenon easily if only we take some measures immediately.
这是个雅思议论文作文，不知道我这样写有什么缺陷，希望各位能给出指点！谢谢！我的目标是想考出6分的成绩。

Answer 1

很多国家人口增长过快跟宗教，文化和经济都有很大的关系。很多宗教信仰反对堕胎，因为这等于是在谋杀生命。至于经济因素，社会的前进与发展需要年轻人的劳动力和创造力。但现在的社会越来越趋于老龄化，这对人类的发展是很不利的。举例来说，以后在中国可能要靠一个年轻人来抚养两个到三个老人因为独生子女家庭的关系，将来庞大的医疗费用不论是对国家或是家庭都会造成沉重的负担。

限制人口增长更重要的是从每个家庭开始。孩子从小就应该接受健康的xing教育。当然这个话题对于大多数中国人来说很难以启齿。可是完全把这个责任推给学校也是不对的。我还记得初中上生理卫生课的时候，老师在讲男女生发育这一章时特别的尴尬。基本上就花了十几分钟的时间，把文章的内容草草的概括了事。但在当今的社会，很多中学生已经尝试过xing行为，所以xing观念应该由家长从小教育，比方说避孕（contraception)。很多人对避孕的方式有很多误区。 比方说 戴双层的保险套是不是有双保险，答案是错。体外射精是不是也可以避孕，答案是不是很有效因为精子的存活力很强，而且不能预防性病。Kou Jiao 可以防止怀孕，但不能预防性病或艾滋病因为口腔里有很多细菌也比较容易出血。

总的来说你的文章写的还可以,不过有必要再深入的研究这个话题才能写的更好。文章的结尾比较笼统,有些语法错误.
第一句话,In contemporary world, as society is progressing rapidly on all fronts, many problems have arisen, one serious of which is population explosion.

可以改成 As our society progresses rapidly on all fronts, many problems have arisen. One of the challenging issues that the world faces today is population explosion.

第二段
To solve this problem, government should do more publicizing to RAISE awareness on family planning.

第三段,
I deem (think), national involved department may enable people to know that having too many children will exert a huge economic burden, which outweighs the advantages.
这句话看不太懂。什么是 national involved department? 是指 government 吗？kids 多用于口语,书面用语是children.

To sum up, there are many factors contributing to this phenomenon.

Answer 2

有些表达不是很地道，容易产生歧义。可以请native speaker帮你看一下。淘宝上有这种作文修改服务。不要请中国老师改了，效果不佳。
比如：I deem, national involved department may enable people to know cultivating too many kids will exert a huge economic burden, which is overweight the advantages.which的指代有歧义，并且不适合用于表示结果。这句话我就没看明白。

Answer 3

没什么可修的啊！

Answer 4

很好啊