Question

请高手进来 帮我看下我的新托福作文能得几分

我马上就要考了 能帮我看看怎么在短期内提高吗 谢谢 感激不尽 急
议论文 题目是 有些情况下 谎言是否能被接受
There is a severe debate on lying .I think a various kinds of lying with different purposes exist in the society.Some are bad with hazard and some are good which may cure a painful man.Facing the agruement , I have my own ideas.Have you ever experienced a relative's passing away?If you have experienced this,you will be sure to agree to the idea that there are times when lying is acceptable.
You may feel confused about that conclusion.And now let me illustrate my reasons in the folowing paragraphs.
The most important reason is that sometimes lying makes one who is facing an vital situation stay calm.I have learned a story that a girl was attending an significant test which
woud determine her destiny,but her father died in an accident when she was having her test.For the sake of the poor girl,her relatives did not told her the catastrophy.Accordingly,she has passed the test .Although She has already lost her father , she has not lost her future.
The second reason,lies which are like a kind of medicine can cure the wound in people’s heart, weighs the equal importance to the first one.In some occasion,lying may protect someone who is unconfident from being hurted.Although,you know that he is not
that well or he may not be so intelligent,you do not tell him the truth instead of telling him that he is the best of all.And now the lie may inspire the weak guy to a strong willing man.
In the last,if you lie without anything hazard and on the purpose of helping someone,your lie won't be a bad thing instead of a positive way to trigger a man who is in depression to stand up again.I have a friend who was bad with his grade of physics.When the exam was approaching,he almost knew nothing about the textbook.But his teacher inspired him by lying to him,said “I believe you can fix it and then make a difference.”As you can imagine,he got an A at last.
Considering all the situations above,a white lie sometimes plays an role of saving rather than cheating.So when i am facing such occasion,i will choose to lie.In conclusion,the idea that there are times when lying is acceptable may be supported.

Answer 1

1.先从结构方面一段段的来给你分析。

第一段：你一定上过课，或者是看过一些模板。但是感觉你把他们都揉到一起了。这是需要功夫的。揉得不好，就变成了一堆杂乱的东西。我可以看出，这里面有“背景介绍法”“ Have you ever been.....？”。这两个请你每次只使用一个。要不感觉很混乱。

第二段：“You may feel confused about that conclusion.And now let me illustrate my reasons in the folowing paragraphs.”我从来没有背配桥过模板，也不知道模板长什么样。可是这一句话让从未见过此物的我也见到了其庐山真面目。这么说吧，即便这句话不是模板，也会被认为是模板。如果要评价的话，那就是“毫无意义凑字数”。另外你也不要说“听说过某个故事”，没有说服意义。你可以这样写“What my sister Linda has experiencd several years ago is a great instance for my standpoint."然后再加你的例子即可。

第三段和第四段：内容都不错。不过中心句，也就是第一句，太长，而且说得不清楚。说实话，后面都有点看丛含不下去了。

结尾段：结尾段应该写“你的观点+支撑培郑猛观点的理由”，而不是你以后会怎么做。

2.语言上的问题是非常多的，我就不一一列举了。就说一个最明显的吧。

第一段中，“I think a various kinds of lying with different purposes exist in the society.Some are bad with hazard and some are good which may cure a painful man.Facing the agruement , I have my own ideas.”

首先: lots of lies exist in the world 不是 "I think" 才有的。本来就存在。I think 在这里毫无意义。
然后："kinds of"不就是various吗？重复了！
再然后：Some are......painful man.这一句，不符合英文协作中的平行原则。要么都用which引导的从句，要么都用with+ adj.
最后：Facing the agruement , I have my own ideas. 这一句的问题是，整句话说了等于没有说，感觉是凑字数。

3. 总结：文章很有内容，不过结构不够严谨，语言不流畅，有较多的语法错误。而且有模板拼接的痕迹。我想最多不会超过15分。

4. 你所需要做的：
A. 既然你不久之后就有一次托福，那我希望你可以问问你的老师最近托福试题的趋向，要求老师押题，然后自己写一篇给老师改好，背下来，考试时直接写就行了。因为你的实力和真正托福高分的水平还是有一定差距的。我不知道你的目标是多少分，但是还是建议你再报一次。
B. 多看看别人写的文章，特别是美国人写的文章。因为你的文章中有很多的中式英语，让人匪夷所思。
C. 别丧失信心，每个人都是这样过来的。祝你能早日去的理想的成绩。

Answer 2

哇，楼上的高手！你英语什么水平！