Question

2010四川高考英语作文

题目：
假定你校将举行一个成人仪式，你将作为代表在仪式上发言。请你按以下内容要点准备一篇英文发言稿。
1.过去对成年的向往；
2.现在的感受和认识；
3.将来的目标及措施。
参考词汇：责任 responsibility
注意：1.词数100左右；2.可以适当增加细节，使行文连贯；3.发言稿的开头与结束语已为你写好（不计入总词数）
我的作文：
Good morning, everyone!
The topic of my speech today is "Thoughts on becoming a grown-up".
Since I was an innocent child, I have been longing for adulthood. With my mental development, my desire to turn into an adult grows stronger and stronger. Besides, what I have been dreaming of are the freedom and independence I would have if I were an adult.
At present, as I'll become a grown-up soon, it occurs to me that growing up not only means gaining freedom but also requires taking up more responsibilities. Therefore, in order to meet the requirements, I'm determined to develop a strong sense of responsibility, for which I plan to participate in more social activities and lead a busy but colorful life.
Thank you for listening.
同上次一样，请打分并作指出不足，谢谢！
另外，问下老师，作文的卷面是不是比较重要？我有没有必要先在草稿纸上写，在抄到答题卡上？因为有时我会改动几处，在答题卡上划得有点“脏”。

Answer 1

高考英语作文万能模板
　　一、英语书信的常见写作模板
　　开头部分：
　　How nice to hear from you again.
　　Let me tell you something about the activity.
　　I’m glad to have received your letter of Apr. 9th.
　　I’m pleased to hear that you’re coming to China for a visit.
　　I’m writing to thank you for your help during my stay in America.
　　结尾部分：
　　With best wishes.
　　I’m looking forward to your reply.
　　I’d appreciate it if you could reply earlier.
　　二、口头通知常见写作模板
　　呼语及开场白部分：
　　Ladies and gentlemen, May I have your attention, please? I have an announcement to make.
　　正文部分：
　　All the teachers and students are required to attend it.
　　Please take your notebooks and make notes.
　　Please listen carefully and we’ll have a discussion in groups.
　　Please come on time and don’t be late.
　　结束语部分：
　　Please come and join in it.
　　Everybody is welcome to attend it.
　　I hope you’ll have a nice time here.
　　That’s all. Thank you.
　　三、议论文模板
　　1.正反观点式议论文模板
　　导入：
　　第1段：Recently we’ve had a discussion about whether we should... （导入话题）
　　Our opinions are divided on this topic.（观点有分歧）
　　正文：
　　第2段：Most of the students are in favour of it.（正方观点）
　　Here are the reasons. First... Second... Finally...(列出2~3个赞成的理由)
　　第3段：However, the others are strongly against it. （反方观点）
　　Their reasons are as follows. In the first place... What’s more... In addition...(列出2~3个反对的理由)
　　结论：
　　第4段：Personally speaking, the advantages overweigh the disadvantages, for it will do us more harm than good, so I support it.（个人观点） オ
　　2.“A或者B”类议论文模板：
　　导入：
　　第1段：　　Some people hold the opinion that A is superior to B in many ways. Others, however, argue that B is much better. Personally, I would prefer A because I think A has more advantages.
　　正文：
　　第2段：There are many reasons why I prefer A. The main reason is that ... Another reason is that...(赞同A的原因)
　　第3段: Of course, B also has advantages to some extent... (列出1~2个B的优势)
　　结论：
　　第4段: But if all these factors are considered, A is much better than B. From what has been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that ...(得出结论)
　　3.观点论述类议论文模板：
　　导入：
　　第1段：提出一种现象或某个决定作为议论的话题
　　As a student, I am strongly in favour of the decision. （亮明自己的观点是赞成还是反对）
　　The reasons for this may be listed as follows. （过渡句，承上启下）
　　正文：
　　第2段：First of all... Secondly... Besides...(列出2~3个赞成或反对的理由)
　　结论：
　　第3段：In conclusion, I believe that... （照应第1段，构成"总—分—总"结构）
　　4."How to"类议论文模板：
　　导入：
　　第1段：提出一种现象或某种困难作为议论的话题
　　正文：
　　第2段：　　Many ways can help to solve this serious problem, but the following may be most effective. First of all... Another way to solve the problem is ... Finally...(列出2~3个解决此类问题的办法)
　　结论：
　　第3段：These are not the best but the only two/ three measures we can take. But it should be noted that we should take action to...(强调解决此类问题的根本方法)
　　四、图表作文写作模板
　　The chart gives us an overall picture of the 图表主题. The first thing we notice is that 图表最大特点 . This means that as (进一步说明).
　　We can see from the statistics given that 图表细节一 . After 动词-ing 细节一中的第一个变化， the动词-ed+幅度+时间(紧跟着的变化) . The figures also tell us that图表细节二 . In the column, we can see that accounts for (进一步描述).
　　Judging from these figures, we can draw the conclusion that (结论). The reason for this, as far as I am concerned is that (给出原因). / It is high time that we (发出倡议).
　　五、图画类写作模板：
1.开头
　　Look at this picture./The picture shows that.../From this picture, we can see.../As is shown in the picture.../As is seen in the picture...
　　2.衔接句
　　As we all know, .../As is known to all,.../It is well known that.../In my opinion,.../As far as I am concerned,.../This sight reminds me of something in my daily life.
　　3.结尾句
　　In conclusion.../In brief.../On the whole.../In short.../In a word.../Generally speaking.../As has been stated...

Answer 2

这篇作文应该可以得到22，23 左右，写得不错。下面将修改后的发出，自己比较揣摩一下。
Good morning, everyone!
The topic of my speech today is "Thoughts on becoming a grown-up".
Since I was an innocent child, I have been constantly longing for adulthood. With the development of my intelligence, my desire to turn into an adult grows increasingly strong. Besides, what I have been dreaming of is the freedom and independence I would have were I an adult.
At present, as I'll become a grown-up soon, it occurs to me that growing up not only means gaining more freedom but also requires taking up more responsibilities. Therefore, in order to satisfy the requirements, I'm determined to build up a strong sense of responsibility, for which I am willing to participate in more social activities and lead a busy yet colorful life.
Thank you for listening.
关于草稿问题，我认为可以列个提纲帮助思考。另外，卷面整洁很重要，想好再下笔。不要涂抹。字体不能太小，扫描后不清楚。段落要分好。

追问

谢谢。不少地方修改得的确比较好。马上要高考了，不准备再写作文了，现在对英语作文信心满满，祝福自己高考顺利。

追答

祝你高考成功 金榜题名

Answer 3

不错，按2010高考评分标准，35分总分可以得29-30，当然，就要看书写和卷面了。
总的来说，行文还算流畅，用了不少复合句，但是在主谓一致上还有点小问题，如：what I have been dreaming of are the freedom and independence I would have if I were an adult.
are应为is等
ps，纠正一个认识：并不是从句用的多作文就漂亮，上面提及的拿句话完全可以分开，增加文章节奏感，如：if I were an adult，what I have been dreaming of is the freedom and independence I would have 。
还好啦，小问题。
祝学习进步，高考成功。
pps，作文书写中若写错字句，可划上一根线最多两根线划去，不要涂黑，时间允许的话也可以打草稿。

追问

我们省是25分满分。

追答

这是四川卷的，当年是35分
如果是25分的话，大概可以在20-21吧。
其实，主观因素比较大

追问

if I were an adult，what I have been dreaming of is the freedom and independence I would have 你给我改的这一句完全不通了，原本是对的。
还有，我怎么看答案上范文也就那样呢？似乎还没我写得好。范文：http://edu.qq.com/a/20100608/000695_14.htm

追答

呵呵，如果没有逗号，全是长句子，阅卷老师会很累很厌烦的
高考阅卷，一人一天阅数百份，会又闲心么：）

追问

要适当用点短句子？那么怎么同时追求语言的高级呢？

追答

你这篇文章里用的就比较高级了，只是名词性从句较多而已，可以适当用点状语从句，置于句首。
总的原则是要表达清楚明白，不要用多了长句子，连自己都绕晕了，大家不明其意就是了。
别担心，你的作文不错的。

追问

别担心？？？
我英语作文是想接近满分的，如果只有20-21分，那么就离我的目标远了

追答

其实，你自己基本就做到这样就差不多了
按你的要求，要追求接近满分，现在你需要注意的是书写和卷面