Question

雅思作文求改

题目：Some people think that students benefit from going to private secondary schools. Do you agree or disagree?

It is not uncommon that increasing students go to private schools because of their high reputations in education.

Those who hold this opinion believe that their children can be equally treated in these private schools .To be more precise, smaller class can really help students to solve all the problems and difficulties from their students. Moreover, they can promote the students’ all-around development through the complete facilities. For instance, they can absorb the knowledge and exercise their bodies in computer rooms and sports centers respectively. Most importantly, in terms of psychological factors, more profits make teachers and staffs in the school care more about students, thereby solving the mental and behavioral problems in time.

Admittedly, going to public secondary schools can develop students’ techniques about communicating with different kinds of individuals. Specifically, a multitude of students are contained in the public schools, which make students meet with more types of peers. And then, they should learn more practical skills to build good relationships between them. Even though they can benefit from them, there are many disputes disturbing them as well. As a consequence, these annoying thins can really make them down and perhaps influence their study mood.

I am convinced that both private schools and public schools have their own advantages. Parents and students themselves should think more than twice before gong to either private secondary schools or public secondary schools.
快考试，求各位雅思大虾帮忙，感激不尽！！！
为啥没人来改？？？跪求帮忙呀！！！

Answer 1

字数不够，一定要注意。有点偏题，题目没有提及公立学校，而公立学校好也不代表私立学校不好，如果你想通过让步突出私立学校好的方面，就应该详细点写，而不是简单一句there are many disputes disturbing them as well带过就算了。让步最好放在前面。

Students seem to have ongoing preference for private secondary schools because of their professional teaching staff, competitive courses and excellent facilities. Despite the merits, critics are concerned about the demerits lying in this educational form, such as high tuition fee. Personally, going to private schools is a better choice for students’ growth.

Admittedly, other than public schools, the tuition fee of private schools is exorbitant and it is affordable for some sections of students only. As the widen gap between the rich and the poor, a private school is assessable for students who are able to pay, rather than who are able to learn. As a result, the advance educational resources are shared unequally by a small group of people.

However, private schools are superior because of smaller classroom sizes, which is under high funding condition. To be more precise, smaller class enables students to gain more individual attention from teachers. When they confront with difficulties in their study, teachers can adjust the materials and methods of instruction to students’ aptitudes individually. In this case, learners can fully absorb the knowledge within a certain time, which makes them more competitive.

Another remarkable quality of a private school is its proficiency in formulating and promoting different extracurricular programs. For instance, many private schools offer professional training in music and sport in terms of fostering students’ physical, emotional and social well-being. The excellent facilities and teachers with rich experience can drive the students toward higher performance as well as all-conclusive development.
On the basis of above factors, I am convinced that private school, in many aspects, such as teaching staff competitive course and fully developed facilities, outperforms the public school. On the other hand, its high tuition fee puts much pressure on the students from low income families. Thus, private schools, in large extent, are more suitable for high income families.

Answer 2

useful adult过于chinglish 后面那一句也是
“people who keep in mind that the sense of competition should be fostered”太罗嗦了 完全可以用简单句代替。
第二段的论点不够清晰，因而论据也很无力。
句与句的连接有些松散，而且逻辑性不强，使用较少加分连词。
不好意思，为求进步只找缺点。建议你先精读几篇雅思考官范文再下笔吧，一些加分的小词上看得出来楼主基础还不错，但是对作文太陌生了。。。另外就是自己觉得有一定进展以后可以找native speaker来帮忙修改，你会看到很多完全想不到的问题出现的。。
我也在为16号的考试准备，共勉吧！