Question

英语故事带翻译，不要太短，最好是搞笑一点的

Answer 1

A young man receives the present that day in the birthday, is a parrot that will talk.Discover this parrot mouthful gutter language however and very quickly, very stupid, and don't understand manner at all.His decision changes parrot.Saying manner terminology to it everyday, teaching it the beau vocabulary, putting light and soft music is 1 a point to use also have no, the parrot is still the mouthful mean words.He hurtles parrot to shout in anger, the parrot is blunt he shouts more and loudly.Once, he annoyed a pole, throwing parrot into the refrigerator.After several second grows, he hears parrot at in rush toward 腾 , yell, curse and scold.Piped down suddenly, some voice son also had no.The minute of the half passed by, be still have no voice.He worries the parrot was out of order for jelly, opening refrigerator right away.The parrot is at quiet come out, the darling ground stands his arm, say with the very sincere tone:"Excused me me to ask for you to get angry very much, past is I make out wrong, I decide to repent past mistakes, again don't say gutter language, please forgive me."Young man amazement in the change of parrot, haven't come yet and say what, the parrot says immediately after:"Can I ask an inside that chicken to do amiss what?"
一个小伙子在生日那天收到礼物，是一只会说话的鹦鹉。可是很快发现这只鹦鹉满嘴脏话，非常粗鲁，而且根本不懂礼貌。他决心改变鹦鹉。每天对它说礼貌用语，教它文雅的词汇，放轻柔的音乐，可是一点用也没有，鹦鹉仍是满嘴下流话。他生气地冲着鹦鹉喊，鹦鹉冲着他喊得更响。一次，他气极了，把鹦鹉扔进冰箱里。几秒种后，他听到鹦鹉在里面扑腾，叫喊，咒骂。突然，安静下来了，一点声儿也没有。半分钟过去了，还是没声。他担心鹦鹉给冻坏了，马上打开冰箱。鹦鹉平静地走出来，乖乖地站到他胳膊上，用非常诚恳的口气说：“很抱歉我惹你生气了，以前是我做得不对，我决定痛改前非，再不说脏话了，请你原谅我。”小伙子惊异于鹦鹉的转变，还没来得及说什么，鹦鹉接着说道：“我能问问里面那只鸡做错了什么吗？”

Answer 2

A doctor says to his patient，“ I have bad news and worse news 。”
“Oh dear， what's the bad news ？”asks the patient 。
The doctor replies，“You only have 24 hours to live。”
"That's terrible，"said the patient。" How can the news possibly be worse ？"
The doctor replies，“ I've been trying to contact you since yesterday。”
一个医生对病人说：“我有一个坏消息和一个更坏的消息。”
“哦，坏消息是什么？”病人问道。
医生回答：“你只能活24小时了。”
“太可怕了，”病人回答，“还有什么消息比这个更坏呢？”
医生答道：“我从昨天开始就一直试图联系你。”
摘自《英语广场-美文》2011年4月号