Question

大家帮我看看我写的这篇英语短文有没有文法错误，急！在线等谢谢！

As is known to many students in mainland, The University of Hong Kong is a palace of knowledge with sophisticated equipment and freedom of academic. Apart from it, the international atmosphere of study and abundant opportunities also hold great appeal to me. As far as I am concerned, studying in The University of Hong Kong can not only enrich my knowledge, but also broaden my horizons, so I am eager to study in The University of Hong Kong.
With a passion for engineering, I chose BENG as my first choice. I have a good ability of innovation and learning so I think it will be a suitable curricular for me. What is more, with the rapid development of science and technology, more and more people who major in these subjects are needed. We can not ignore the fact that China is not mature enough in some areas of technology compared with some developed countries, so I consider it to be a proper choice for me. In addition, I took BSC(AC) and BSC as my second and third choice.
As for me, I am good at study and always get good grades in the exams. With an optimistic attitude, I could overcome difficulties positively. I wish I could do some achievements in engineering field through my perseverance and efforts. Besides, I am keen to make a contribution to the society using my knowledge studying in the university in the future.

Answer 1

As is known to many students in mainland, 小写the University of Hong Kong is a palace of knowledge with sophisticated equipment and academic freedom学术自由. Apart from it, the international atmosphere of study and abundant opportunities also hold great appeal to me. As far as I am concerned, studying in the University of Hong Kong can not only enrich my knowledge, but also broaden my horizon去掉s, so I am eager to study in the University of Hong Kong.
With a passion for engineering, I chose BENG as my first choice. I have a good ability of innovation and learning so I think it will be a suitable curriculum（curricular是形容词） for me. What is more, with the rapid development of science and technology, more and more people who major in these subjects are needed. We can not ignore the fact that China is not mature enough in some areas of technology compared with some developed countries, so I consider it to be a proper choice for me. In addition, I took BSC(AC) and BSC as my second and third choice.
As for me, I am good at study and always get good grades in the exams. With an optimistic attitude, I can (could改成can) overcome difficulties positively. I wish I could make(改掉do )some achievements in engineering field through my perseverance and efforts. Besides, I am keen to make a contribution to the society by（加个by好点)using my knowledge过去分词作定语 studied in the university in the future.

Answer 2

第十行的compared 改为 comparing，其他语法应该都没问题哈，表达都很好。
ps：如果这是你真正的书面申请的话，这篇来说so用 的稍微有点多，建议楼主用其他词或词组替代下。 so有点太口语化哈，对书面表达来说不太好~

楼主参考下就好了~

Answer 3

已经改好：
As it's known to students in the mainland, The University of Hong Kong is the palace of knowledge with sophisticated equipmentand freedom of academic. Apart from it, the international atmosphere in studying and abundant opportunities also make great appeal to me. As far as I am concerned, studying in that university can not enrich my knowledge, but broaden my horizons, soI am eager to study in it .With a passion for engineering, I truely chose BENG as my first choice. I usually show special insterest in innovation and I have a good understanding of it. So I think it will be a suitable curricular for me. Besides, with the rapid development of morden science and technology, more and more people who major in these subjects are needed. We can not ignore the fact that China is not mature enough in some areas like technology when compared with some developed countries, so I consider it to be my proper choice . In addition, I take BSC(AC) and BSC asmy second and third choice.
Personally, I am good at studying and I always get an“ Excelent”in exams. With the optimistic attitude, I could overcome difficulties positively. I wish I could reach some achievements in engineering through my perseverance and efforts. And I am keen to make contributions to the society using my knowledge.

Answer 4

As is known to many students in mainland, The University of Hong Kong is a palace of knowledge with sophisticated equipment and freedom of academic. Apart from it, the international atmosphere of study and abundant opportunities also hold great appeal to me. As far as I am concerned, studying in The University of Hong Kong can not only enrich my knowledge, but also broaden my horizons, so I am eager to study in The University of Hong Kong.
With a passion for engineering, I chose(时态有问题choose) BENG as my first choice. I have a good ability of innovation and learning so I think it will be a suitable curricular for me. What is more, with the rapid development of science and technology, more and more people who major in these subjects are needed. We can not ignore the fact that China is not mature enough in some areas of technology compared with some developed countries, so I consider it to be a proper choice for me. In addition, I took BSC(AC) and BSC as my second and third choice.
As for me, I am good at study and always get good grades in the exams. With an optimistic attitude, I could overcome difficulties positively. I wish I could do some achievements in engineering field through my perseverance and efforts. Besides, I am keen to（改成on） make（making） a contribution to the society using my knowledge studying in the university in the future.