Question

心理学英语高手请进,帮忙翻译一段笑话!谢谢!

Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.

If you are phobic, don't press anything.

If you are anal retentive, please hold.

这是我在网上看到的笑话，一个心理热线的电话提示音。

但我有 些不太明白，请高手帮忙翻译，谢谢！

Answer 1

你好,欢迎来到心理咨询热线
如果你有强迫症,请重复摁1键
如果你有依赖症,请叫人帮你摁2
如果你有双重性格,请摁3,4,5和6
如果你有臆想症,我们知道你是谁想要什么,你只需要呆在线上想象我们说些什么
如果你是精神分裂症,你要仔细地听一个细小的声音告诉你该摁哪个号码
如果你有抑郁症,你摁哪个号码都无所谓,因为没有人会回答你
如果你很渴望,那你就随便胡乱摁键
如果你病态性恐惧,不要摁任何键
如果你便秘,请保持不要挂机

这可是我凌晨两点冒着我妈的怒吼打得啊,记得要选我啊