Question

请大家帮忙给托福作文评下分吧！！

题目：
Life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when your grandparents were children.

回答：
As far as I am concerned, life today is indeed easier and more comfortable than it was when my grandparents were children, even though someone may point out today's acute environment problem, limited natural resources or the much more competitive employment situation. Considering highly developed technology and relatively peaceful global environment, etc, we should definitely cherish and appreciate today's easy and comfortable life.
Speaking of technology development, we can find differences between our life and that of grandparents with no effort. Modern equipment like computers, televisions , the Internet and so on has already be an essential part of modern people's life , but, please be remember, those "mechanical helpers and entertainers" were not born yet during our grandparents' times!
According to a marketing research, when asked about what would they do if they do not have Apple's products, most young people immediately turned in blue and some even said, "Oh, no! I cannot live without my iphone!" Thus, technology development has boost our life to a brand new stage, and when you are searching information on the Internet or driving BMW to the 3D cinema, please enjoy the convenience and comfort in today's life with appreciation.
In addition, although few countries are experiencing misfortune, yet the overall international environment is still peaceful and stable, without "World War III". Back to the times when our grandparents was children, people were probably suffering from warfare and bloodshed. In the early nineteenth century, WWI and WWII acting as devil twins deprived happy childhood and beloved families of millions of little kids, maybe including one's grandparents'. Most people will probably be dumbfounded at the idea of bloody slaughters/ massacres or cruel living-human experiments for biochemical weapons. Then, please, take a look around; most people are now living in peace, can have family reunion dinner at Spring Festive or Christmas, sometimes will go on a worldwide tour with friends on vacation. Hence, in comparison, I believe people would prefer to live today's easier and more comfortable life rather than live in wartime!

Answer 1

personal rating: 5

Your essay is indeed impressive, and although I
am not a professional rater, I can well say that your essay is not likely to
fail you on exams(but be sure you can write another essay of the same quality
on the "big day").You are insightful and your words are sharp and
cool. That's good, but a little bit control of sentiment will make your article
more cogent and level-headed. For example, when you quote from teenagers who
can not survive without a smartphone, it would be more dispassionate (aahuh!
you get me ! it is safer to be "detached" writing a TOFEL essay, but
things can be different in SAT of GRE) to rephrase the words in the form of
third personal. Oh, another thing I almost forget, you can be better if using a
well organized body structure--i'm not saying that your transitional sentences
are inferior, don't get me wrong; I'm just suggesting a way to make your essay
pretty. Well, the structure will only make your essay literally beautiful,
as an artical with a 100 words' introduction, three 12o words' supporting
paragraphs and a 100 words' conclusin is proved to be of the golden propotion.
That's it, buddy! You have alrealy done a remarkably amazing job. Just keep
going, and if you have any questions feel free to look for me, I'm willing to
read some other essays from you. Wish you good luck!