Question

英语搞笑小品！！！

四个人的，三男一女，三到五分钟，超过不要，要爆笑的！求你们啦！！

Answer 1

A,B,C是3个英国男人,D是一中国女人
A:Nice to meet you
D:没关系(心想:他刚才也没踢我呀?)
B:How are you?
D:红着脸,(心想:英国人也太开放了,见面就说好爱我)
C:How do you do?
D急了,吼道:你肚子才大呢?说完扬长而去,嘴里还直嘀咕:老外真没礼貌......

Answer 2

老同学（搞笑校园短剧）
演员：小石头 老干巴 大杂面 小丹

小丹：这不嘛，大学毕业十来年，当年的同学见面都难，有的有钱有的没钱，穷的不把富来奔，富的与穷家也无言。同学情感可不能白费，所以我们今天啊开个同学会，只为交流情感，不在乎喝不喝醉，呵呵。（收拾屋子）
大杂面：小丹呐，你咋还忙活呢，快做饭吧，老同学都快来了。哎，我还得告诉你几句：今天时间也不晚了，记住今天聚会赵卫锋是重点，他现在是辛氏企业的经理，百分百一个大款。咱今天要是把他整高兴了，那咱们就抱住那金饭碗了，哈哈哈哈！
小丹：你怎么那么见钱眼开呢？难道同学之间也要讲钱？
大杂面：小丹你咋这么不懂事呢，同学同学，同样是学生但不一样学习。当年学习不努力，他穷了也不能和咱们生气啊，当年刻苦学习的，他有钱也证明是自己努力。你好比当年的辛井水吧，倒是挺能折腾的，活动参加不少，就是不努力学习，听说毕业就失业了，现在在家种地，你说这是何必。
小丹：人家辛井水怎么也是同学啊，你可不能厚此薄彼啊。
大杂面：啊，对啊，你曾经还和辛井水谈过一段恋爱，怪不得你一直在为他说话呢。你们可别当着我的面情情爱爱，别怪我翻脸让他歇菜！
小丹：你！哼！（生气的下）（大杂面坐下看报纸）
小石头：（接电话）外！我是赵卫锋，哎呀，辛总啊，对来大杂面家开同学会，您放心吧，我一定会把这事办的清清楚楚，明明白白的，好好，再见！
（敲门）开门！
大杂面：来了，你好你是？
小石头：我是赵卫锋！
大杂面：卫锋，哎呀！（拥抱）我想死你了，咱们十年没有见面了吧，我都想四你了！怎么样您母亲还好吗？
小石头：还好！
大杂面：您父亲还好吧？
小石头：还好！
大杂面：您家里都好吧？
小石头：还好！
（小丹出来）
小丹：哎呀！小石头啊！
小石头：恩？你是？
大杂面：小石头？哎？这位是赵卫锋赵经理，你怎么能……
小丹：啊，原来是赵经理啊，那你们坐下聊啊！
（赵卫锋手机响，接电话）
小石头：外，辛总啊！什么？好，我马上过去！
老同学，我公司有点事情我得马上过去，好吗？咱们有机会再聚！
（赵卫锋下）
大杂面：完了，完了，他走了，这同学会还开啥了？饺子包了，来人就喝茶吧！
（老干巴上，敲门）
小丹：谁啊？
老干巴：我！
小丹：老干巴？
老干巴：小丹？诶呀吗呀
小丹：诶呀！
大杂面：小丹谁啊？
小丹：老干巴快进来！军言，你看谁来了
大杂面：啊，送煤气罐的吧，放里边吧！
小丹：他好似咱们的老同学老干巴啊
大杂面：老干巴？哪个老干巴啊
老干巴：不认识我了？大杂面？你忘了我，我可记得你呀！
大杂面：我叫张军言不叫大杂面，（不屑的）里面坐吧。
小丹：（拉住老干巴的手）老干巴，现在干啥呢，可挺长时间没有看见你了啊。
老干巴：啊，我那什么……
大杂面：咳！小丹，你去烧点开水去！
老干巴：大杂面！不张军言，你现在干啥啊？
大杂面：呀，也没干啥！就搞几个小项目呗！
老干巴：啥项目啊？
大杂面：啊，没啥，也就是给北极星供暖，把太平洋变浅，克隆一个北朝鲜，再把黑洞填满。
老干巴：诶呀！那你还挺忙啊！
大杂面：呵呵，一般！老同学，那你忙写啥啊都？
老干巴：我跟你比起来差远了，成天净鼓动农作物了。
大杂面：（骄傲的）那也行，一年也能对付个一两千！
老干巴：哪能啊，一年也就八九百——万！
大杂面：啊，八九百？万？不是我说你老干巴，你跟我你吹啥啊？啊，咱们当年都农村出来的，谁不知道一年挣多少啊，啊？你有啥困难到我这你装啥啊，我也不是不能帮你。我这现在家业好几十万，光自行车我就好几个。等会你把那个89年的推走吧，没事别老走着多累，骑去呗！
老干巴：恩，我没走着！
大杂面：骑倒骑驴啊？那玩意更累疼，还不如自行车呢！
老干巴：不是……
（小丹上）
小丹：你们唠啥呢？来喝水！
大杂面：小丹，把咱们家那些破衣服啥的给老干巴拿走点，买衣服太贵了。
小丹：哎！
（小丹拿出一件衣服）
大杂面：你拿那不我的衣服吗？
小丹：那你不说给老干巴吗？
大杂面：我说你塞暖气空子里那几件！
小丹：那还能穿吗？
大杂面：老干巴他还能嫌咱们呐？
老干巴：没事，老同学嘛，永远都是老同学！
小丹：老干巴，还没有吃饭吧？
大杂面：啧！人家老干巴还能不吃饭？再说咱家菜油太大，老干巴能吃惯吗？回头再拉肚子可咋整。给老干巴包几个馒头拿走，人家老干巴没准还有急事呢！
小丹：张军言，你是不是有点过分了？
老干巴：那什么，没事，小丹，军言你们忙着啊，我先走了！
（赵卫锋敲门）
大杂面：这又是谁啊？这个闹停！
（开门）
大杂面：诶呀！卫锋！诶呀，你可想死我了，太好了，小丹快炒菜，今天别走了啊，就在这住！
小石头：不的了，我们懂事长在这吧？
大杂面：懂事长？没有啊！
老干巴：（过来）小石头，事情办妥了？
小石头：辛哥，办妥了，外商直接就拨款2000万！
老干巴：好，咱们走吧！
大杂面：辛哥！诶呀，我想死你了！太好了，小丹快去买海鲜，辛哥，今天别走了，我给你定酒店！诶呀，快给辛哥泡龙井啊，这破衣服你又翻出来干啥呀？辛哥，快坐下！
老干巴：军言……
大杂面：辛哥你还是叫我大杂面亲切！
老干巴：你还记得自己曾经叫大杂面？你记得你这个名字怎么来的吗？
大杂面：当然记得，小的时候家里穷，我每天都带一个玉米面上学，同学们都叫我大杂面，但是没有一个人瞧不起我，他们都来帮助我！
老干巴：那时候我每天都带一个糖馒头上学，每次都用馒头换你的杂面吃。不是我爱吃杂面，而是我想让你知道，世界上除了钱之外，还有情感存在！军言，对辛懂事长你就可以请海鲜，住酒店，对老干巴你就连多呆一会你都不愿意吗？老同学老同学，就算我们再有钱，也不能忘记了曾经的老同学啊！
大杂面：老干巴！呜——
（音乐响起）
~~~

Old classmates (art campus drama)
Cast: small stone on the old Dan Zamian big Thelephora ganbajun Zang

Xiao-Dan: This is not just after graduating from university 10 years, was difficult to meet students, and some money some money and the poor to the rich not to Ben, rich and poor families also speechless. Emotional students can not wasted, so we ah open a classmate, only for the exchange of emotion, do not care to drink do not get drunk, huh. (Packing house)
Big Zamian: small Dan diploma, you also spent yesterday, it quickly cooking it, the old classmates come. Hey, I must tell you a few words: This time is not too late to remember gather today Wei-feng is the key, he is now the manager of Hsin Enterprise, a wealthy 100%. Our whole today if he was happy, then Let's cling on the golden rice bowl, You You!
Xiao-Dan: So how do you money eyes? Do students have also say money?
Big Zamian: small Dan night so you do not know anything, the students students, but students are not the same as learning. Then learning sleep, he can not and the poor Let angry ah, that assiduous study, he also proved to be money of their own. You like it then Xin Well, it is quite able to disruption, and to participate in many activities that sleep study, we heard that graduate unemployment, now at the land, you say this is why.
Xiao-Dan: Well how are people Xin students ah, ah, you can be partial.
Big Zamian: ah, ah, you have also talked about a period of well water and Xin love, no wonder you have been in it for him to speak. You can not face the situation in front of my love love, I decide to let him Bieguai Xiecai!
Xiao-Dan: You! Sing! (Angry the next) (sit down and look at the newspapers Zamian)
Small stones: (phone),! I Zhao Feng, wow, Xin total ah, home to a large Zamian students, you rest assured it, I will definitely do this clearly, out-and-out, well, good-bye!
(Knock on the door) open the door!
Big Zamian: come here, you Hello, yes?
Small stone: I was visiting front!
Big Zamian: Wei-feng, wow! (Hug) I think you die, Let's not 10 years to meet the bar, I want to 4 you! How kind your mother also okay?
Small stone: okay!
Big Zamian: Your father also OK?
Small stone: okay!
Big Zamian: Your home is OK?
Small stone: okay!
(Dan small out)
Xiao-Dan: Ah! Small stone ah!
Small stone: TU? You yes?
Zamian large: small stone? Hey? This is Wei-feng Diaojingli, how can you……
Xiao-Dan: ah, it was Diaojingli ah, then you sit down and chat about ah!
(Wei-feng cellphone, the phone)
Small stone:, Xin total ah! What? , And I immediately past!
Old classmates, some things my company I immediately past, okay? We both have the opportunity to Zaiju!
(Wei-feng under)
Big Zamian: finished, finished, gone, it will also open啥students? Dumplings package,来人on tea!
(Thelephora ganbajun Zang old, the knock on the door)
Xiao-Dan: Shuie?
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: I!
Xiao-Dan: Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang?
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: small Dan? Ah ah long period of time?
Xiao-Dan: long period of time!
Big Zamian: Dan Shui A small?
Xiao-Dan: Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang coming fast! Army statement, you see who is going to the
Big Zamian: ah, it sent the gas tank, put inside!
Xiao-Dan: We both like his old classmates old ah Thelephora ganbajun Zang
Big Zamian: Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang? Which old ah Thelephora ganbajun Zang
Thelephora ganbajun Zang old: I do not know? Zamian big? You forgot me, and I recalled you!
Big Zamian: My name is Zhang statement is not big Zamian, (disdain) sitting inside it.
Xiao-Dan: (attraction to the old hands Thelephora ganbajun Zang) Thelephora ganbajun Zang old now abide by relevant regulations, it could be quite a long time no see you ah.
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: ah, that what I……
Big Zamian: cough! Xiao-Dan, you point to burn to the water!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: Large Zamian! Zhang Jun and not words, you abide by relevant regulations ah?
Big Zamian: ah, did not abide by relevant regulations! To engage in a few small projects hymns!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang:啥project ah?
Big Zamian: ah,没啥, that is, to Polaris heating, the Pacific shallow, a North Korean cloning, and then fill the black hole.
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: long period of time! Futingmanga you!
Big Zamian: Oh, General! Old classmates, then you are busy writing Shae?
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: I tell you far worse than up, Narita net instigated the crops.
Big Zamian: (pride) that also, a year can deal with a 2000!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: How could ah, it Bajiubai year - 10,000!
Big Zamian: ah, Bajiubai? 10,000? Nilao Thelephora ganbajun Zang is not what I said, you told me you blow Shae? Ah, let out that all rural areas, who do not know how many ah-earning year, ah? You wield difficult to me with Shae you, I can not help you. I am now possessions hundreds of thousands, light bike, I like a few. , And so will you put that 89 Selection走吧, nothing more than another tired old walk, ride to hymns!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: TU, I did not walk!
Big Zamian: riding inverted Qilv ah? Nawanyi pain more tired than a bike?
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: No……
(On the small Dan)
Xiao-Dan: Do you these chats about normal, Shane? To drink!
Big Zamian: small Dan, Let's break those clothes home to the old啥Thelephora ganbajun Zang away, too expensive to buy clothes.
Xiao-Dan: hey!
(Dan show a small clothing)
Zamian large: that you do not take my clothes?
Xiao-Dan: Then you do not say that to the old Thelephora ganbajun Zang?
Big Zamian: I said you Cypriot Heating empty yard that few!
Xiao-Dan: It can wear?
Big Zamian: Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang He also suspected Let diploma?
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: nothing, just old classmates, old classmates are forever!
Xiao-Dan: Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang, no dinner?
Big Zamian: Ze! Thelephora ganbajun Zang old people can not eat? Say too much anymore vegetable oil, used to eat Thelephora ganbajun Zang old? Zezheng diarrhea can be back again. To the old-Thelephora ganbajun Zang took several steamed bread, old people Thelephora ganbajun Zang chances are emergencies?
Xiao-Dan: Zhang Yan, you are not a bit too much?
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: What then, nothing, small Dan, the military statement you busy ah, I am ahead!
(Wei-feng knocked at the door)
Zamian large: This is Shuie? This闹Stop!
(Open)
Zamian large: long period of time! Wei-feng! Ah long period of time, you can die, I would like to, very good, small cooking Dan fast today Biezou the ah, in this live!
Small stone: not at all, we Dongshichang in this?
Big Zamian: Dongshichang? No ah!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: (from) small stone, things get?
Small stone: Xinge, complete, direct foreign funding to 20 million!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: Well, let走吧!
Big Zamian: Xinge!诶ah, I wanted to die you! Very good, small buy seafood Dan fast, Xinge, Biezou today, I will give you the hotel!诶ah, soon to Xinge bubble Longjing ah, broken up by the clothes you abide by relevant regulations ah? Xinge, sit down fast!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: Army statement……
Big Zamian: Xinge you still ask me to the Zamian cordial!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: Do you still remember their own once told the Zamian? You remember how your name to?
Big Zamian: Of course remember, when the small home poorer, every day I go to school with a cornmeal, students都叫I Zamian big, but no one look down on me that they came to help me!
Thelephora ganbajun Zang old: every day when I take a sugar buns to school, every time you change the Zamian steamed bread to eat. Zamian is not my favorite, but I want you to know that the world apart from the money, there are emotional existence! Army statement on the symplectic Dongshichang you can please seafood, live hotels, the old Thelephora ganbajun Zang you will be an even多呆you do not want to? Your old classmate old classmates, even if we have money again, we can not forget the old students, who ah!
Big Zamian: Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang! Ming --