求雅思大作文批改 请帮忙看一下有多少分并提点意见
题目：Somepeoplebelievethatchildrenshouldbeallowedtostayathomeandplayuntiltheyaresixorse...
题目： Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Ohters believe that it is important for your children to go to school as soon as possible.
In the present age, it is probably true to say that most children start to go to nursery school when they are around 3 years old. Whether it is a blessing or a curse has sparked a heated debate. Some peoples argue that sending the child to school in early age has fundamentally beneficial influence on the growth of child, while many others contend that it has the detrimental effects as well.
A convincing argument can be made about nursery education not only fostering an independent and self-reliant child, but also developing the child’s interpersonal skills. To start with, children are likely to cultivate the teamwork spirit, cooperation and competition, because they can learn to care for others and seek assistance from others through the originated activities. Besides, children can make friends and adapt to different circumstances fairly easier later in life, since they socialize with their peers on a daily basis. Moreover, face-to-face interaction in school is an important aspect of child’s social development. Some children say that they would be bored without this interaction and furthermore, and would find it harder to concentrate.
On the other hand, some parents are opposed to giving children school education at an early age. Above everything else, children probably have more sense of safety and feel more comfortable if they stay at home at a young age. Secondly, parents can take good care of children at home, which can avoid children have sense of loss for lake of attention in school. Thirdly, it is feasible for father or mother to teach their child by themselves as per the child’s character, thus leading to efficient learning.
It is quite natural that people retain diverse attitudes toward this case. As far as I concerned, I am in favor of going to school at an early age, because social activities play a pivotal role in development of a child, and how to deal with others can impact every aspect of their life. It is necessary for parents to teach their children about the skills of interaction and independent abilities. 展开
In the present age, it is probably true to say that most children start to go to nursery school when they are around 3 years old. Whether it is a blessing or a curse has sparked a heated debate. Some peoples argue that sending the child to school in early age has fundamentally beneficial influence on the growth of child, while many others contend that it has the detrimental effects as well.
A convincing argument can be made about nursery education not only fostering an independent and self-reliant child, but also developing the child’s interpersonal skills. To start with, children are likely to cultivate the teamwork spirit, cooperation and competition, because they can learn to care for others and seek assistance from others through the originated activities. Besides, children can make friends and adapt to different circumstances fairly easier later in life, since they socialize with their peers on a daily basis. Moreover, face-to-face interaction in school is an important aspect of child’s social development. Some children say that they would be bored without this interaction and furthermore, and would find it harder to concentrate.
On the other hand, some parents are opposed to giving children school education at an early age. Above everything else, children probably have more sense of safety and feel more comfortable if they stay at home at a young age. Secondly, parents can take good care of children at home, which can avoid children have sense of loss for lake of attention in school. Thirdly, it is feasible for father or mother to teach their child by themselves as per the child’s character, thus leading to efficient learning.
It is quite natural that people retain diverse attitudes toward this case. As far as I concerned, I am in favor of going to school at an early age, because social activities play a pivotal role in development of a child, and how to deal with others can impact every aspect of their life. It is necessary for parents to teach their children about the skills of interaction and independent abilities. 展开
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6分。用词很杂，而且不好。
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词用的不新鲜 诸如 On the other hand,之类的有点俗 我也是6分
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too old，6分
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