Question

请专业人士帮忙改一篇雅思小作文，剑6test1task1，谢谢

文章如下，请帮忙点评一下，顺便给评个分，3Q

The line graph describes the amount of globle water used by three different sectors from1990 to 2000.The table illustrates the water consumption in two countries in 2000.

According to the line graph ,the usage of water are mainly three ways which are agriculture ,industry and domesticity.The number of using water in these three ways continued rising througout the century.More specifically, from 1900 to 1950, the number of agriculture had a steady rise from 500km3 to 1000km3 while the number of using water for domesticity and industry almost leveled out at less than 200km3. For next 5 decades, the amount of agricultural usage experienced a shape increase,peaking at 3000km3 whilst industrial and domestic water use rose gradually, reach 1000km3 and 400km3 respectively.

As can be seen from the table that the comparison of water consumption between Brazil and Congo from 3 factors which are population, irrigated land and water consumption per person.The population in Brazil and Congo were 176million and 5.2million respectively. The irrigated land in Brazil,with the number of 26500km2,was much larger then Congo which only had 100km2. The wanter consumption per person in Brazil was 359m3. By constrast, everyone just had average 8m3 water for consumption.

Answer 1

我提几点意见

1:第2段第1行.首先有个用词不准. usage应该改为use(后面同理), 因为usage是"用法"的意思, use同样可以做名词. usage有the generally accepted way of using something的意思, 而use才是the act of using. 另外这一句考虑重写一下, 因为目前句子主干是the use are three ways. 这个表述不恰当(重点考虑改写谓语). 最后, 个人觉得ways后面的which应该加逗号, 因为我觉得你在写一个非限定性定语从句.

2:第2段倒数第2行. a SHAPE increase? or sharp?

3:第2段最后一行, reach应改为reaching. 和peaking并列的, 或者说补充的成分吧.

4:第3段"As can be seen from the table that the comparison of water consumption between Brazil and Congo from 3 factors....." 此句缺乏谓语. table后面的that是对table的从句补充吧, 而句首as又是连词, 所以这句只出现了as引出的省略句, 并且缺乏谓语.

很晚了 有点困, 只能看出这么多了 - -b 我有不对的地方请指教. 希望这些能对你有用.

good luck,

Answer 2

挺好！