Question

请高手来帮我改下英语作文。急急急~ My opinion on Cell Phones

My opinion on Cell Phones
With the progress of the technology, today the price of the cell phone is very cheap so more and more people have a cell phone. The most important advantage of the mobiles are much convenient to get in touch with others. And now the mobiles have many functions that you can use it to listen to music or play the games.
But the cell phones also have some bad effects.First of all,some people use the mobiles to cheat in the exam.The second,some students play the mobiles in the class affecting his study.The last but not he least,the mobiles have some bad effects to human’s health.
In my opinion, we should use the mobiles when we need it to our work or life indeed.

Answer 1

不能用more and more people have a cell phone,这样表示许多人共一个手机，应用more and more people have cell phones.

The most important advantage of the mobiles is very conveninent to get in touch with others. 首先用is，因为你的主语是the most important advantage，是单数。其次much 不可修饰形容词原级，要用very, so等。

And now the mobiles have so many functions that you can ...
so ...that ... 是固定搭配：如此……以至于……

缺点最好不要用bad effects, 是中式英语。用shortcoming(s), week point(s)吧。

exam 要用复数，还是因为你的主语是some people。

The second, some students play the mobiles in the class， which affects their study. 这句话用非谓语动词不合适，用定语从句更容易表达清楚。还是用非限定性定从，逗号前的短句全部作先行词。

The last but not the least,你的the 少了一个t 。是漏打还是漏写了，查查 吧。

we should use the mobiles when we need it in our work or life indeed. 吧to 改为 in 。是不是又打错了。

就这么多了。
但是文章头重脚轻，中间的main body部分短了些，除此以外结构很好。
希望有帮助。

Answer 2

第二段第三个单词it去掉，后置定语不用宾语；
第三段第五个单词，the去掉，直接用second;整个句子这样写：second,some students are always playing games and even listening to the music contained in the mobiles which is severely affecting their studying efficiency.
紧接着是last but not least，而不用the;
最后一句：in my opinion,cell phone is a fantastic tool when we're using it properly and correctly.After all,we cannot imagine a world without cellphone these days.

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