Question

请大虾帮忙看下我翻译的这个英文是否正确！在线等！谢谢！

请大虾帮忙看下我翻译的这个英文是否正确，时态、语法、用词等。我要发给客户看。如不对请帮我改正一下。非常感谢！在线等！
非常感谢你的理解与支持。
中文：
我会在2009-10-9付20%货款给你。因为国庆节我们从1号放假到8号。运输形式从海运改成空运。在10月前我会将剩余部分付清。
我非常抱歉。我们的客户会在2009-11-1提货。如果海运，我们应该在2009-9月底提货而不是2009-10月底。如果这样的话，我们将无法满足客户的要求。由于我的失误而给您带来不便深表歉意。
翻译：
Thank you for your great understanding and support.
I’ll pay 20% in advance on 9 Oct, 2009. Because of National Day, we have holiday form 1st Oct., 2009 to 8th Oct., 2009. And ship mode from by sea to by air. (Before on/around the middle of October, I’ll pay the rest. And then, I pick-up the cargo.---Before I pick-up the cargo, I’ll pay the rest on/around the middle of October.)
I’m very sorry to inform you that I made a mistake. Our customer pick-up the cargo on/around 1st Nov. 2009. If shipping, I should pick-up the cargo at the end of September rather than at the end of October 2009. If so, I won’t meet our customer.
We regret exceedingly the inconvenience caused you by my mistake.

Answer 1

第一句话要删掉，翻译的是你的那句“非常感谢你的理解与支持。”
把改的放下边：
I'll pay 20% in advance on 9 Oct, 2009. Because of National Day, we have holiday form 1st Oct., 2009 to 8th Oct., 2009. And ship mode will change from by sea to by air. (Before/around the middle of October, I’ll pay the rest.
I’m very sorry to inform you that I made a mistake. Our customer will pick-up the cargo on/around 1st Nov. 2009. If we use shipping by sea, I should pick-up the cargo at the end of September rather than at the end of October 2009. If so, I won’t meet our customer's requirements.
We regret exceedingly the inconvenience caused to you by my mistake.

Answer 2

10月9日付20&，跟下面的“在10月前将剩余部分”有歧义。Before on/around the middle of October？

Answer 3

不错 我建议你直接下栽个在线翻译器