Question

麻烦各位帮我看看英语作文

1. 现在有一些大学生沉迷于网络游戏,家长和学校对此忧心冲冲.
2. 但有人认为网络游戏并不是一无是处.
3. 你对此的看法是.

Should On Line Game Be Banned
With the development of Internet technoligy,more and more college students are playing on line games,they argue that on line games not only enrich their life but also good for combine with each other.
However,from the point of partents’,it is not advisable to allow their kids play on line games.For one thing ,many students spend a lot of money in on line game.For another studente must be cost the time which they should use in study.
As a college student I want to say that,in order the college can develop in healthiy,we had better ban college play on line games.Let’s all start to do so with ourslves．
辛苦各位了，有意见就提啊，不要客气．

Answer 1

from the point of partents’ 改为in the point of partents‘
allow their kids 加to play
many students spend a lot of money in on line game. in 去掉
another studente must be cost the time which they should use in study
不用cost 用spend
整体写的可以 很好

Answer 2

看你这是干嘛用 初高中考试 还行
其他不行
语法错误太多 单复数的错误都有
建议你多看一下native speaker的文章
这篇 真的不可取 也没法改 除非我给你重写一篇
第一句话一看就是模板
改卷老师看了都会吐
你真想好好弄 写一篇好点的发给我 我帮你看看
haitunyier@qq.com

Answer 3

Should On Line Game Be Banned

With the development of Internet technology,more and more college students are playing (online) games,they argue that (online) games not only enrich their life (but also provide them a good platform to socialise with each other)good for combine with each other.

However,from (their parents' perspective) the point of partents’,it is not advisable to allow their kids play (online) games. For one thing ,many students spend a lot of money in online game. Secondly, (Students are wasting time on the games, when they could have used it more effectively on study) students must be cost the time which they should use in study.
As a college student I want to say that,in order (for us to develop a healthy lifestyle during our college years,) (We are better off having online games banned in colleges). Let’s all start (achieving this by starting with ourselves)．