Question

雅思作文求批改。麻烦指明不足，给出大致分数。多谢多谢。

题目：
In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour.What du you think are the causes of this?What solutions can you suggest?

正文：
Nowadays,student behaviour become a tough question among many countries' schools.

We can see many reports about these questions by media,like students do not do homework by themselves,they copy other's work.They do not put their mind on study,girls care about the gossips and boys talk about computer games.Cheat in exams,talking or eating on classes,make boyfriend or girlfriend at a not suitable age,having sex so early,smoking.The worst of all--voliet in compus.

There are huge amount reasons can explain those behaviour,each one of us has a different idea.As my personally thinking,the first of all is pressure.Students need to study hard for their future,the things they face to is not only the huge amount of homework and texts which difficult to understand but also the pressure to study in a famous school by their examination results.Too much students,too less tickets for famous school.Obviously most of students are teenager and the only child in their family.We all know that teenager is easy to be effected,has extremely active mind and curious about everything.Ther desire knowledge just like desert desire water.But what if they got something bad influence?What if they find the dark side of the adult world which full of sex,drugs,violet and dirty words?

So I think the best way to solve this problem is to built a clean and peaceful world for student.Put off their pressure,let them have a suitable circumstance to study and grow up.Clean up our media,do not let student touch the bad things.Last but least,parents and teachers should behavior themselves to built up a perfect example for student.

Answer 1

Nowadays,students' behaviour has become a tough question among many universities.

We read many about these by media,like students do not do homework by themselves,they copy others' work.They do not make their efforts on study,girls care about the gossips and boys talk about computer games.Cheating in exams,chatting or eating in classes,dating with boyfriends or girlfriends on campuses,having sex too early,and smoking just for fun.The worst of all--voliet on compus.

There are huge amount reasons which can explain those behaviour,each one of us has a different idea.As my personally thinking, first of all is pressure.Students need to study hard for their future,the things they face with is not only the great deal of homework and texts that difficult to understand but also the pressure to study in a famous school by their examination results.Too much students,too less tickets for famous school.Obviously most of students are teenagers and the only child in their family.We all know that teenager is easy to be effected,has extremely active mind and curious about everything.Ther desire knowledge just like desert desire water.But what if they got something bad influence?What if they find the dark side of the adult world which full of sex,drugs,violet and dirty words?

So I think the best way to solve this problem is to built a clean and peaceful world for students.Slow down their pressure,let them have a suitable circumstance to study and grow up.Clean up our media,do not let student touch the bad things.Last but not the least,parents and teachers should behavior themselves to built up a perfect example for student.
大致给你改了下 注意细节啊 5分作文 眼都看花了 哎 以后把段落分多点给人家改 我都懒得改了

Answer 2

佩服楼上的耐心啊。。。
我是万万做不到滴。。。