Question

雅思作文求批改，麻烦给出分数，指出不足。多谢多谢。

题目是剑桥雅思真题6 test3 task1

The whole life of a silkworm is a cycle. The mother silkworm puts her eggs on the mulberry leaf which is the food of silkworm larva. Those eggs need 10days to be silkworm larvas, they eat mulberry leaf for living and they become bigger and bigger. After 4-6 weeks, they become larvas and begin to make silk threads where to themselves inside. Make a silk thread need 3-8 days, when this job finish, we can see the larva is totally covered by silk, we called it cocoon. Cocoon is the prepare room for a larva’s 16 days change to become a moth, it’s also the original type of silk cloth.

The silk cloth is made of cocoon, but not every cocoon can be silk cloth. People have to select the good cocoons and put them in pot with water, boil them until cocoons can be threaded. A cocoon can be unwind to 300-900m thread then twist it to be lines, dye the lines in a bottle. Put the lines together to make a silk cloth, dye it as lines together to make a silk cloth, dye it as the lines then we can get a wonderful silk cloth now.

Answer 1

连接词比较混乱，
连词出现漏用现象严重，those eggs need 10 day。。。larvas。其实这里就可以打个句号了
还有就是一些简单的语法拼写错误，比如making a silk thread needs，比如when this job is finished
还有就是一些用词比较child，

总的来说流程还是比较清楚的，应该可以到5分左右