Question

拜托大家帮忙改一篇英语演讲稿

Hello everyone!
Today, I will talk something about my idealjob .Firstly; I am a girl who is younger than most people around me. To be honest,I am not good at dealing with others and I like the freedom in everything.Choosing a job is no exception .I dream to be an architectural designer,because I don’t want to just be an office worker and I dislike the mechanizationof the work mode .Therefore, I want to learn the architectural in theuniversity has been sticking to three years of high school. Unfortunately, Icouldn’t get it finally because of the bad score of the university entrance exam.After some negative days .I realized that I need to adjust the plan now，ThenI chose the Engineering management which is more close to my goal .It doesn'tmean that I give up the dream. Four years later, I will continue to set out forthe dream .To go abroad, this is my second decision，Ilook forward to learning design in Europe. In future, I will have moreopportunity and advantages, to be a designer, I know more professional knowledgeabout the building.
Forevery one, the road leading to the dream is always dark,but as long as your goal is clear, you will not be too far from it.
That’s all, thank you!

Answer 1

1. 最好不要用Firstly，这样显得你的用语比较低级，建议直接去掉。firstly后面的句子虽没有语病，但让人听了不舒服，你自己理解。

2. dealing with others?处理别人？ 你是想表达与人相处吗？建议你使用get along with这个短语。后面的i like the fredom in everything读起来十分怪异，至少the 是不能用的, 可以改成i like being free in everything.everything后面的Choosing...exception, 语法也没错，但上下文不连贯，表达方式也是中文式的，建议把everything 后面的句号改成逗号，然后including choosing a job

3. 把architectural designer改成architect。By the way, architect 也属于office worker，你前后文有逻辑错误或者说是常识性错误。i dislike这句完全是中文式英语，老外肯定理解不了你想说什么，你可以说成i dislike routine job without any creativity.

4. Therefore后面那句的两个the 去掉，别乱用冠词啊。还有这句语法也完全错了。。。

    我实在改不下去了，几乎每句都有问题，晚上有时间按你的中文意思帮你写一篇，后面真没法看了。建议你千万不要用中文的思维来写英文，否则别人（尤其是老外）很难理解你的意思。