Question

这里有篇英语作文，自己写的，有不足之处又或者可以写的更好的地方请指出，鄙人一定虚心接受！

题目：随着微博的普及，许多行业精英或公众人物通过微博发布消息和表达观点，给社会带来不同影响，现在，请你用英语就此写篇简评，内容包括：
1、上述情况日趋普遍
2、这种做法的利与弊
3、微博是否应受到监管？为什么？
注意，词数120左右
With technology developing , micro-blogs is popular with people.Especially industry elites and public figures .Posting informations ,expressing opinions as well.It is micro-blogs that infiuence our life .However ,anything has its advantages and disadvantages.I think micro-blogs has some advantages .
First of all ,the reason why most people can get some informations is that some people are posting informations on micro-blogs.Besides,it can bring us more convenience and close our relationship.We can keep in touch with industry elites and public figues wherever we are .How helpful it is! On the contrary ,if they post some informations which are unture,it would make people worried .This is worthy of attention.
As far as I am concened ,I support the first view.What is more ,govement need keep watch on the micro-blogs.As long as using it properly ,it not only can contain your knowledge,but also can reduce stress.

Answer 1

你这英文，中式英语的味道太重，看你标题就能看出来：
1. With technology developing , micro-blogs is popular with people.Especially industry elites and public figures .Posting informations ,expressing opinions as well.It is micro-blogs that infiuence our life .However ,anything has its advantages and disadvantages.I think micro-blogs has some advantages .
改：With technology developing , the micro-blog becomes popular. Industry elites and public figures are especially in favor of it; they post informations ,express opinions by micro-blog, and this starts to influence our life. Though every coin has two sides, i think micro-blog has some advantages.

2. First of all ,the reason why most people can get some informations is that some people are posting informations on micro-blogs.Besides(Secondly),it can bring us more convenience and close our relationship.We can keep in touch with industry elites and public figues wherever we are .How helpful it is! On the contrary ,if they post some informations which are unture,it would make people worried .This is worthy of attention(This is THE OTHER SIDE of it).
改：参考括号内文字。THE OTHER SIDE是指上面说的two sides，advantage是一个side, 另外一个side就是worried的东西了。

As far as I am concened（concern） ,I support the first view.What is more ,govement need keep watch on the micro-blogs.As long as using it properly ,it not only can contain your knowledge,but also can reduce stress.
改： 第一句重复了，删掉。Government should make regulations and supervise the micro-blog, as long as it is used properly, it can expand your knowladge and reduce stress.

供参考。