Question

求英语高手帮忙批改一下雅思小作文

There is water consumption in Brazil and Congo in 2000. Firstly,we can know agriculture is the most part in global water use and keep rocket , but also have some fluctuate.The industrial use is regular rise.And the domestic use is slowly and smooth.
Secondly,Brazil’s population is 176 million,irrigated land has 26500㎡,so the water consumption per person is 359m³.And Democratic Republic of Congo’s population is 5.2 million,irrigated land has 100k㎡,so the water consumption per person is 8m³.Has no doubt that Congo is smaller than Brazil.Although Congo’s population and irrigated land are lesser than Brazil.But we can see through the water consumption per person that Congolese are more economize water than Brazilian.
Finally,I suggest we should advocate the management of resources and enhance the public awareness of save water so that we can slow down the rate of resource degradation.

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Answer 1

重点弄错了吧。。。是要你总结global water use by sector的main features, 然后还有brazil and congo的consumption 。。 你第一句话就没指出你文章要写的全部内容。。。只说了consumption， 然后就急转直下开始介绍water use in worldwide ？ 太跳跃了吧。。。。

The graph and table above show details of the usage of global water in different field, as well as the water consumption in Brazil and Congo in 2000. Firstly, the graph displayed the global water mainly use in three aspects -- agriculture, industry and domestic, 然后写图

While the water consumption .........
Finally, 总结2图的共同点或差异点，或者对比2图得出上面结论等等......
这样才符合外国人写文章的逻辑。。。

但是要我批改你作文的话就不行了。。。我语法就算个渣渣。。。。只能给你这样的建议了。。。毕竟好几年没考过雅思了。。。但是 英语写作技能还是知道点点的。。。

Answer 2

百度雅思救星，里面可以免费提交作文的，有老师改！