Question

球雅思高手帮忙 帮我改改作文吧，最好打个分

Traffic and housing problems in major cities could be solved by moving large companies and factories with their employees to the countryside. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

The iusses about traffic and housing are tend to be worse and worse.Some people suggest that we should encourage large companies and factories moving to the romote area in order to solved these problems.Personally,I am not a supporter to this opinion as well.
Firstly,we have to admit that spreading some big companies and factories out of the city area can release the pressure of traffic and housing problem in a certain extent,but I do not believe the problem will be solved by this way in a long run because new small companies will take up these spaces.And of courese,there are still unadequate houses to match the need of citizens.
On the other hand,with the ever-accelerate development of economic,nowadays almost all the families have at least one private car.So when the companies move to countryside,most stuffs will choose to drive to work rather than buy or rent a house near the companies.So in fact the housing issue will not be tackled by this way.Moreover,the moving of big factories may contribute some serious problems to the countryside such as the damaging of environment and the traffic problem in these remote areas.Futhermore,it is an undeniable fact that moving large companies and factories will cause a enormous financial burden to the states.
From what has been dicussed above,we can easily get a conclusion that moving those big companies and factories to countryside is not a ideal suggestion to solve the problem of traffic and housing in the large cities.I think building a better transportation system is a better method,at the same time the traffic problem can be solved,people will tend to buy a house in the countryside if the transportation system makes them as the same the convenient as living in the city.

Answer 1

の，你的作文语法上的错误比较多哦，你可以仔细看看你的第一段，有挺多问题的，比如：are tend to be worse and worse这句话，这里不用are，就算你用了，那也要改成被动态。第一段的最后一句话，你是要表达你不赞成前一个观点吗？那么as well 就可以去掉了。

整个作文里的小错误挺多的，比如a ideal suggestion应该是an ideal suggestion吧。

你可以再看看你手写的作文原文，可能是你打字的时候打错了...