Question

求雅思改作文

求请人帮忙估一下这篇雅思作文有5.5分吗？我要58考，第一次，好怕~从没在学校里写过作文，也没人帮我改过。我是高中生，写出来烂也不怕被鄙视！只是求你不要打击我的太过分，谢谢！！
Many countries aim to improve living standard by economic development， but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages？ （2010年2月20日考题）
Nowadays, there is a trend that the economic in many countries has grown .The government using this money focusing more on improve our living stand instead of laying emphasis on social value .Personally, I consider there are more positive affects on economic development than negative affects.
Admittedly ,I agree that the rapid growth of economic do harm to our society in some degree, especially our teenagers’ sense of social value. The event happened last year about a girl’s show-off behaviour remained to be discussed. We can reveal from this issue that we are influenced a lot by the economic development in different aspect since that girl will not do such things if she does not have much money. This behaviour on the other hand shows her lost of social value. Meanwhile ,more and more children becoming materialistic.Case in point ,my brother， a 6-year-old child， tried to lying just in order to get a new transformer toy. This exemplified that we there do have some harm of rapid growth of economic.
However, there is no denying that this development is a blessing to almost all people. My grandparents used to told me the life they used to live,always accompany with famine and the collapse of house because of the poor living condition .The lack of medicine lead to many people’s death. As far as I known, this situation has never happened around me.It is the development that result in this situation.
To sum up, I think the growth of economic is a-concave-and convex-sided nutshell, but we indeed benefit from it a lot. We should enjoy this achievement and hold on our virtue principle.

Answer 1

我觉得结构挺明显的但是写的有些少，最好把每一个点写的清楚一点，我方观点不够明显，考官比较喜欢我方的压倒性观点。however写的很好~
5分左右吧，也许会更高一点
时间允许的话最好写得多一点~
加油！

Answer 2

如果高中的话你英语水平还是不错的，但是感觉字数有点不太够的，5.5左右吧

Answer 3

也没有朋友给你改啊！求助老师吧！批改卡也许对你用，但是要去那边上课才可以哦！我猜的，和你开个玩笑的哈！我觉得你真该找个专业的老师给你辅导作文

Answer 4

字数不够啊！好句型也有点缺乏哦！当时我早新奇参加作文培训的时候，写过这样类似的，被批斗了半天，不是批斗，是批改。呵呵

Answer 5

好文章是自己改出来的