Question

各位大神帮忙看下我的文章有没有问题？比如语法错误，不通顺或可以改进之类的马上要做一个英语演讲，拜托

主题是电影票房分红
Hello everone!Nice to meet you!
We all have been to the movie theater to contribute to the box office.But have you ever thought about where did the box office go? So. Let's talk about the box office bonus mechanism today.
Before that,Let's first look at the film industry chain.The film industry chain including the original creation, film production, film distribution, theater chain and movie theater.The whole production process of a film is usually compicated.In general,there are several steps.
Firstly,the screenwriter writes the screenplays.Then the production company produce a film.After that, the distribution company purchase the movie copyright from the production company,and cooperate with theater chain to play the film in the cinema.Finally, they can share out bonus.
The total box office in foreign countries is also known as gross.The gross of a film deducted 5% as the movie special fund,and deducted 6% as tax.Then about half of the rest distributed directly to the theater chain and cinema.Thereinto,theater chain probably can get about 5%.The remaining is the box office can be allocated .Distribution company take away 5% to 15% of the box office can be allocated. Minus all of the above ,the rest of box office is the producer’s net income.
That is the whole distribution of profits at the box office.

Answer 1

The film industry chain including 改为includes

Then the production company produce改为produces

the distribution company purchase改为purchases

and cooperate 改为 cooperates
The gross of a film deducted 5%改为deducts 或者 is deducted

and deducted 6%改为deducts 或者 is deducted
Then about half of the rest distributed改为is distributed

probably can get改为can probably get

The remaining is the box office can be allocated 删除is改为of

Distribution company take away 5% to 15% of the box office can be allocated. 病句

总体叙述非常条理清晰。

注意主被动语态。
注意三单的情况。

追问

谢谢大神！那最后那个病句删掉of the box office can be allocated可以吗？我想表达：发行公司拿走票房可分配收入的5%到15%。