Question

跪求雅思作文修改 大牛请进 谢谢

不知道能拿几分 望大师指点

Do you think computers have more positive than negative to affect our daily lives?
Essay:
In this time and age, the technology of computers is advancing at a staggering rate. Some individuals argue that computers bring numerous benefits to our lives while others contend that the detrimental influence brought by computers outweigh its positive effect. Personally I support the former view.
Admittedly, these machines carried a host of problems in our lives. To begin with, it is detrimental to our health. Those who conduct the careers requiring them to achieve their work only with computer cannot avoid impairing their eyes, even their immune systems. Moreover, the games from the computers influence the motivation of study of students. According to a public survey, there are seventy-two percent of university students are addicted with the games of internet. They always pay more emphasis on how to enhance their technique of games rather than boost capacity in the field of academic knowledge.
Despite it, it is standard practice that we can profit much from computers. In the first place, the employees can use these software, like Microsoft office word and excel, thereby enhancing the efficiency of work. In the second place, the telecommunications in the computers is increasingly popular; numerous youngsters even regard it as an indispensable part of their lives. It, in a way, have replaced the phone currently. Last but not least, a great deal of information in the every field was involved in computers; as a result, individuals can expand their vision and get the reference necessary to their research readily.
In conclusion, I concede that the benefits from the computers outweigh its drawback, this machine makes our work more efficiently, and it also makes our telecommunication less time consuming and more economical. Moreover, it can liven up our lives in result of a great deal of attractive information.

Answer 1

也许是我刚看了十天作文。感觉写的不错，就是跟十天里面的模板怎么这么像呢

Answer 2

哈哈叫你说了算可能近几年男男女女男男女女男男女女男男女女男男女女

Answer 3

建议你发到新奇那个专门批改作文的邮箱里，但是好像要收费

Answer 4

ty