Question

帮我看看我的托福作文吧 万分感谢

题目: What discovery in the last 100 years has been
most beneficial for people in you country ? Use
specific reaso nand examples to support your choice.

The recet years have seen the profound changes of people’s daily lives lifestyle,during which a growing number of people cars for their daily transportations.Meanwhile, still some use bicycle for their trafic tools . I believe that the most useful things for people in the last 100 years is car.
The cars ,which enchance the efficiency of people’s working. About a hundred year ago the cars had not been popular ,people had to spent a great nunber of time in going to work ,dating , tarvelling on the way .The recent 100 years the technological development has improved much faster. The cars ,which is much easier to buy , are very popular now . We can economize the time on working ,out-door picnics etc .
The cars are not only efficient but also convenient for the modern people .
A great number of convenience has been seen as the cars created . We can drive it wherever we want to go . A good ecample is that , I am a poor person who didn’t own a car when I was the beginning of my career . I had to get up early so that I can catch up the firstly empty bus everyday which sent me to the right place . sometimes I had to wait for a few minutes ,a quarter or even worse. As time went by , I finally possessed my own car which is very cheap. It change my life and meant that I didn’t have to be controled . I can drive it to work ,to travel ,to do everythings I would like .
To understand the advantages of cars which have mentioned above ,we can still realize that cars always bring joys to us .We can go for a picnic,by using the car where we see our family’s smile to us and enjoy the meaningful holiday.
From that has been discussed above , we may safely draw the conclusion that cars are the most useful things in my country.

Answer 1

In the past 100 years, profound changes have taken place in people’s daily life. Car has gradually become the main transportation for people.(原来的太绕太反复，而且主句分句主语混乱)Although there are still people who use bicycle as their vehicle, I believe that the most useful discovery for people in the last 100 years is car.(原句逻辑关系不清，没有个although前一句太突兀，还有些单复数，用词上的错误。)
The car enchances the efficiency of people’s work.(原句根本不是句子。这样改语法没问题但是内容牵强，我不知道你要表达什么。) About a hundred year ago cars were not popular ,people had to spend a great lot of time going to work ,dating , tarvelling on the way.(travelling on th way是前两条的总结，并列放着不合适。另，你的时态很混乱。)In the recent 100 years, technology has improved much faster.(只有technology可以improve，development不行) Hence,cars ,which is commonly used in everyday life, are very popular now . With the help of cars, we can economize the time on working ,out-door picnics etc .
Cars are not only efficient but also convenient for the modern people .
A great number of convenience(原来你能数出汽车有几个方便！佩服。) has been seen as the cars created .（这句话全是错误，建议重新写。topic sentence追求简单句，清晰思维，别一开始就绕昏自己） We can drive it whenever we want to go . A good example is that ,(最雷人的举例方法，还附送语法错误。orz。改成 I have felt the convenience of using cars in my daily life.) I was a poor person who didn’t own a car when I started my career . I had to get up early so that I could catch the firstly empty bus (这是什么bus？没听过这种用法。另，catch the bus才是赶公车)everyday which sent me to the right place . sometimes I had to wait for a few minutes ,a quarter or even worse. As time went by , I finally possessed my own car which was very cheap. It changed my life greatly and meant that I didn’t have to be controled . I can drive it to work ,to travel ,to do everythings I would like .(完全不明白你要表达什么。。诡异的说法)
Apart from the advantages of cars which I have mentioned above , cars also bring joys to us .We can go for a picnic,by using the car where we see our family’s smile to us and enjoy the meaningful holiday.(此句完全不通= =)
From that has been discussed above , we may safely draw the conclusion that cars are the most useful discoveries in my country.

好了，终于改完了。首先在结构上不存在大问题，但是你举自己例子的那一段的主题与例子不搭调。然后整篇文章的中心不应用thing这么模棱两可的词，更何况题目是问你the most beneficial discovery。文中小错误一堆，不是我打击你，请你不会用从句那就用简单句，把句子写的长不仅容易错改卷的人看着也郁闷。时态语态好好复习一下，很多基本用法和搭配都有问题。例证不够，然后conclusion也太过套样本了，好歹也稍微总结下你的论点啊。其他也没什么了。你自己看看考虑下怎么提高吧。我睡觉了。

Answer 2

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Answer 3

写得基本还是可以的，只是有些固定搭配的词组写错了，比如catch up是突然迅速抓住的意思，加上with才是追赶的意思。此外，文章通篇用过去时态，但可能有些地方没注意而用的现在师太，所以建议再仔细看一遍，把用错的时态改过来。希望我的回答你能满意。