求大神批改雅思7 test3大作文，谢谢
Employees can obtain job satisfaction from various factors. Firstly, the high income of the occupation. The satisfying earnings will be the motive power for employees to work. Also, it is one of the most considerable factors when people find a job. With a satisfying income, the life pressure will be decreased and job satisfaction will increase. Secondly, the comfortable working environment. If employees work in the office with poor equipment and serious pollution, it will be difficult for them to feel satisfied. Especially when the poor environment affects their mental and physical health, the employees will give up the job. Thirdly, not only the tangible environment is important, but also the invisible environment in the company should not be ignored. The relationship with colleagues can make a significant difference in job satisfaction. If an employee is isolated in the company, it will be hard for him to work there. Additionally, the company’s culture should be matched with employees‘ cognition, in that case, they can work more dynamically.
Some opponents may argue that it is not realistic to expect job satisfaction for all workers because there will always be some people who are not satisfied with their jobs. Many of them even don’t have a chance to choose their jobs. Although they feel unsatisfied with their current job, they cannot quit because they need to raise their family.
Although job satisfaction for all workers is an unrealistic goal to achieve because of many factors, it is necessary and realistic for a company to make an effort to ensure the security and basic right for employees to provide them with an acceptable job. 展开
1. 第二行therefore换成so才好。therefore一般用于至少经过简短论述/论证 (而不是简单的陈述)之后。
2. 第二段第一句中到底用can还是may需要斟酌。通常作“可以”解时，can强调“能够”侧重能力，may强调“可能”侧重可能性。
3.Firstly、Secondly后面接的是短语而Thirdly后面接的是句子，建议改成统一的结构。同时，建议将第二段第一句独立成段，Firstly…、Secondly…、Thirdly…各成一段，这样不仅层次分明，而且firstly、secondly、thirdly后面的结构也更清晰。
4.第二段第5行considerable改成important，或改成considerably后加important；单词find改成look for.
5.Thirdly后面的also后移至should后面；下一句relationship前加上good.
6.本段倒数第二行中,in that case,改成so that.若保持原词汇不动，则要独立成句。
7. 下一段第一句中opponents其实用people会更自然，realistic用reasonable更贴切。下一句many of them中them用得不好，应该用many people(泛指有许多人)或many of the people(特指前面那些人中的许多人)。再下一句job改成jobs、family改成families.
8.最后一句的主句逻辑上存在问题，因为A company doesn't have any responsibilities for providing people with acceptable jobs, neither does it have to make effort to enssure anything of the kind. The only thing it has to do is to hire competent people and better the welfare of its employees.
