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2010-06-23 · TA获得超过1320个赞
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短剧] 武松打虎

夕阳西下,景阳冈上发生了一幕为后世所传唱的故事:
采桑子 武松伏虎
青石畔梧桐碧树,日收桑榆
十八碗酒,
怎消得壮士醉目。

其修远兮漫漫路,光阴几度。
冈上枯骨,
铸成武松名不蠹
甲:当哪个当,当哪个当,闲言碎语咱不讲,讲一讲,这打虎英雄武二郎——
乙:等会儿,你是不是马上要说武松打虎的故事?那演员干啥的,请看——
武松上前,手中擎着哨棒,踏步走来,却望见一面招旗,上书五个大字“三碗不过冈”,可惜这武松不识字,只是闻见酒味,心中一喜,才入店坐下。
武:店家,快把酒来吃。
小二:客官,您要几碗?
武:三七一十八(低声念)就来十八碗吧!
小二(面有愠色):这位客官,本店标的清楚“三碗不过冈”,你却要十八碗,分明是来踢馆的。哼!
武:你怕我没钱付?
小二:本店的酒一碗有一缸那么大。一碗400块,十八碗就是7200块,虽然是兑水的,恐怕你也喝不下。
武:那个------我是看今天天气炎热,故来此歇歇脚。我刚才一定是热的说胡话了Goodbye。
店家走出,道:且慢,你可知道前面景阳冈上有只吊睛一白额大虫,晚了出来伤人,坏了多少人的性命。
武:吊睛白额大虫,什么虫这般厉害?
店家(带上眼镜,装做学者):吊睛白额大虫,即老虎,犬科动物,形似狼,体长约70厘米,面部较长… …
小二:掌柜的,你说的是狐狸!
店家(十分生气):这个月工资没了。我们重来,老虎,是一种水生脊椎动物,用腮呼吸,用鳍前进------
小二:掌柜的,你又说错了,这是鱼
店家(更加生气):你下一个月工资也没了,我们再重新来,老虎是食草性家畜,哺乳纲奇蹄目马科马属,适合拉磨------
小二(激动):求求你了,把我下下个月的工资也扣了吧!你这回说的是驴。
武:这二人疯疯癫癫,不知说些什么,我先走为妙
却说武松行了半日见一棵树,树上贴了榜文,上写两行字“前方老虎自然生态保护区,免费参观(如果能活着回来的话)”
武(看了一会沉思片刻):恩,哦,啊,切,我不识字(扬长而去)
树林中蹿出一只大老虎。武松吓了一大跳,大声喝问:
武:呔!你可是那个吊睛什么大虫?
虎:什么,那个什么?天王盖地虎!
武:宝塔镇河妖!
虎:磨合磨合。
武:正晌午说话谁也没有家。
虎:脸红什么?
武(激昂):精神焕发!
虎(疑):怎么又黄了?
武(突转痛苦):最近肠胃不好,拉的太多了。
虎:暗号错了!你不是自己人!
武:废话!谁和你这大虫自己虫!
虎:挺拔的树木是我栽,幽静的小路是我开。要想过此路(伸出3个手指)这个数!
武:(拿出3毛)早说这么便宜就不跟你罗嗦了。
虎:打发要饭的?拿命来吧你。(定住)
沈:一人一虎,大战一触即发(行动)
袁:只见那大虫一跃而起,径向武松扑来
沈:武松一不慌,二不忙,身子微侧,骈指点向老虎腰间章门穴,一点即中。
武:哦?糟糕,老虎好象没有穴道?
虎:(扶住树干猛吐):你没事点我肚子干吗?(定住)
沈:老虎把前几天吃的东西全吐出来了!
袁:武松一看有机可乘,发出一招 (行动)
武:龟—派—气—(作蓄气状)
袁:老虎猛扑向前,想要拼命,谁知一脚踩上刚吐出来的香蕉皮。
虎:(跌下去)哎呀!(HP-)
武:功——(黑板上画龟派气功)(打完)人呢?不是,那个虫哪?(低头)你在这里啊!
好本事!居然让你给躲过去了!
沈:这一下龟派气功原来打中了树!
虎:好气功,把我新买的大衣打烂了!(哽咽)我要你杀衣偿命!(定住)(HP-)
沈:听说老虎这件虎皮大衣质量着实不错。
袁:那是,据说他还为此献出了自己的宝贵的皮毛。(行动)
沈:老虎趁势一招低堂腿法踢向武松小腿。
袁:武松抽出哨棒,飞身跃起,抡棒向老虎头打去。
沈:老虎缩头闪开!这一棒打在了树上!
袁:老虎连忙站起,一招“钟鼓齐鸣”打向武松太阳穴!
沈:武松蹲下闪开,老虎一掌打在了树上!
袁:武松趁势一棒抡向老虎,老虎躲到树后,一棒打在了树上!
沈:哨棒断了!
虎:我要发绝招了!呀——(发动动波)
沈:武松被打中了!(HP-)
武:啊!(向后跌去)
虎:耶!(伸出两个手指)(定住)
沈:这时,大树已经被此二位打晕了(行动)
(树原地转3圈,向虎那边倒去)
虎:恩?(向树吹气)(树向另一边侧倾)
虎:耶!(伸出两个手指)
树又倾回
虎:恩?(狂吹气,吹啊吹)
(树继续压下来,其势如破竹,势不可挡)
虎:啊!(撞飞,树一块飞过去)(飞到一半定住)(HP-)
袁:老虎没想到,他居然
沈:(擦完HP说)被树给砸死了!
虎:(继续被定)尘世间最痛苦的事莫过于此!(行动)(撞上墙)
武:(爬起来)好疼啊!老虎我要跟你拼了!恩?老虎呢?(四处张望)老虎?大虫?老—
哎(看地上)死了?哈哈哈!我早就知道你一定不是我这么厉害的人的对手!再来一百只老虎我也不怕!!!
(五虎齐吼)我们来啦!
武:(提起哨棒,意气风发,摆个POSE说)来得好!呀——那个什么,哎呀,你们几只大虫有种在这儿别跑!我马上回来!在这儿别跑啊!哎呀,拉肚子,哎呀(跑出门去)
沈:打死了老虎,武二郎从此声名大振!
袁:还得了个打虎英雄的外号,这便是有名的
武:(POSE)武松
齐:打
虎:(垂头丧气)虎

Skit] Wu Tiger

Sunset, Jing Yang Kang scene for the later generations have taken place in the sung story:
Cai Sangzi Wu Fuhu
Bluestone River Indus Bi Shu, Japan received Sang Yu
18 bowl of wine,
How can consumers get drunk warrior head.

The long road repair much of their fortune, time several times.
Gang on the Skeleton,
Cast Wu Song Name Does Not Stick
A: When what if, when what when, gossip Zan do not speak, talk about, this Tiger Hero Takejiro -
B: Just a minute, you are not immediately say the story of Wu Song Killing the Tiger? Actor Gansha, and see -
Wu came up, the hands were holding a Shaobang, no progress came, but saw the one hand strokes flag, a letter to the five characters "bowls, but Gang" Unfortunately, this Wu illiterate, just smell alcohol consumption, heart of a hi, just enter shop to sit down.
Wu: stores, fast wine eat.
Small 2: Keguan, you want to bowls?
Mo: 371-eight (whisper read) to 18 bowl on it!
Small 2 (surface color with annoyance): The Ke Guan, restaurant clearly the subject of "bowls, but Gang," you have to bowl 18, is clearly to 踢馆's. Hmm!
Mo: You fear I have no money to pay?
Small 2: The wine shop has a tank so large bowl. Bowl 400, 18 bowl is 7200, though watered down, I am afraid you drink it.
Wu: That ------ I look hot today, it came to a rest. I must say that nonsense a hot Goodbye.
Store out and said: Wait a minute, you know, there in front of Jing Yang Gang eyes of a white crane only the amount of Beast, wounding night out, how many broken lives.
Wu: the amount of suspended white eyes destroyer, what bugs so powerful?
Store (bring glasses, pretended scholars): the amount of suspended white eyes destroyer, the tiger, canids, the shape of a wolf, 70 cm in length, face a long ... ...
Small 2: dispensers, you said that fox!
Store (very angry): This month's wages gone. We again, Tiger is an aquatic vertebrates, with gills, fins forward with ------
Small 2: dispensers, you have wrong, this is the fish
Store (more angry): You did not pay the next month, we again come, the tiger is a herbivorous animal, MAMMALIA Perissodactyla macoma is, fit for the grind ------
Small 2 (excited): I beg you, put me into next month's wages deducted it! You're back to talking donkey.
Wu: The two crazy, I do not know what to say, I go first for the wonderful
Wu said a half-day trip, see a tree put up a bulletin, write the two lines "in front of tiger conservation area, free admission (if they can come back alive then)"
Force (moment and a moment): Well, oh, ah, cut, and I can not read (walk away)
Leap up out of the woods, a big tiger. Wu shocked, loud He Wen:
Wu: tie! But what your eyes that hung Beast?
Tiger: What, that what? King cover ground tiger!
Wu: pagoda Town Creek demon!
Tiger: Running Running.
Wu: No one is talking noon home.
Tiger: What blush?
WU (excited): refreshed!
Tiger (suspected): how it yellow?
Wu (sudden turn pain): The recent bad stomach, pull in too much.
Tiger: the wrong signal! You're not one of us!
Wu: nonsense! Who is this Beast to your own worm!
Tiger: I planted stands of trees, quiet cul-de-I to open. Be thought of this way (out of three fingers) this number!
Wu: (3 out hair) morning so cheap that you do not like a wordy.
Tiger: send beggar? Come take your life. (Horde)
Shen: one, a tiger, war imminent (Operations)
Yuan: I saw that destroyer jumps into the radial Wu impinge upon
Shen: do not panic Wu 1, 2 busy, body Weice, pointing to the parallel chapter waist Tiger Gate Point, point the middle.
Wu: Oh? Worse, the tiger does not seem to acupuncture points?
Tiger: (hold on to stem fierce spit): You all right, I belly doing? (Horde)
Shen: tiger to eat a few days ago I threw up!
Yuan: Wu saw their chance to issue a move (action)
Wu: Turtle - School - gas - (to build gas-like)
Yuan: tiger pounce forward, you want desperately, Who knows just threw one foot stepping on a banana peel.
Tiger: (or down) Oh! (HP-)
Wu: Work - (painted turtle camp blackboard qigong) (kick down) people? No, the worms lie? (Bow) You are here ah!
Good job! Just let you to avoid over!
Shen: The tortoise had hit the tree to send Qigong!
Tiger: Good qigong, I bought a new coat to break up! (Choking) I want you to kill clothing life for a life! (Horde) (HP-)
Shen: I heard that the tiger this tiger really good quality coat.
Yuan: It is alleged that he had sacrificed their valuable fur. (Operations)
Shen: Tiger taking advantage of a move lower leg Wu Tang leg beautifully organized Games.
Yuan: Wu out Shaobang, flying leaps, dip stick to the first hit to the tiger.
Shen: Tiger chickened out of the way! The Breaking up in the tree!
Yuan: Tiger quickly stood up, a move "bells and drums gongs" fight to the Wu temple!
Shen: Wu squat out of the way, Tiger hit a palm tree!
Yuan: Wu taking advantage of a dip stick to the tiger, the tiger hide the tree, the one beaten with clubs in the tree!
Shen: Shaobang off it!
Tiger: I made a trick! Yeah - (launched by moving waves)
Shen: Wu Song was hit! (HP-)
Wu: ah! (Back slid)
Tiger: Yeah! (Two fingers extended) (horde)
Shen: At this time, trees have been the two stunned (Operations)
(Turn three laps the tree in situ, tossed away the tiger there)
Tiger: Well? (Blowing the tree) (tree to the other side of the roll)
Tiger: Yeah! (Two fingers extended)
Shuyouqinghui
Tiger: Well? (Wild blow, blow blow ah)
(Continue to press down the tree, the formidable, unstoppable)
Tiger: ah! (Zhuang Fei, a fly past the tree) (fly half of the horde) (HP-)
Yuan: Tiger did not expect, and he did
Shen: (finished with the mop HP said) is a tree to death by stoning!
Tiger: (to be determined) the most painful thing on earth than this! (Operations) (hit the wall)
Wu: (get up) well it hurt! Tiger I'll tell you spell it! En? Tiger? (Looking around) Tiger? Beast? Old -
Hey (view on the ground) dead? Ha ha ha! I knew I would be so powerful you will not rival the person! I come back one hundred tigers are not afraid! ! !
(Five Tigers roar Qi) we come!
Wu: (filed Shaobang, high-spirited, that put a POSE) to well! Yeah - that anything, Oh, you here Do not run a few endemic Beast! I'll be right back! Do not run in here, ah! Oh, diarrhea, Oh (running out to)
Shen: killing the tiger, Takejiro from Barghouti's reputation!
Yuan: Tiger had won a hero's nickname, which is known
Wu: (POSE) Wu
Qi: fight
Tiger: (dejected) Tiger
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