Question

求高手帮我批改和指点一下托福作文

Depending on personal experience, personality type and emotion concern, we find that some people hold the idea of people should never give up mean while others prefer to sometime people should give up something with considerate. From my point of view, it is more sensible to give up sometimes with considerate.
I have following arguments to support my opinion. First of all, people’s ability have limit. When we face a difficulty, sightless to challenge it is not a very clever movement. So when people face his owns’ ability limit, I think it’s time to give up. To challenge difficulties beyond your ability is a very dangerous thing, but give up will bring you safety. Perhaps someone will say challenge will excavation people’s potential, but if the situation is out of your control, you may have great trouble even lost your life. Potential is not a steady help and may not help you. Secondly, give up and abandon maybe will bring you more chances. From one side, we can say give up is a timid representation, but to the other side, give up is one way to keep your strength. For an example, in the Olympic game. Maybe some other competitors are stronger than you, at this time, if you try to challenge them sightless, you may get hurt even destroy your sports life. But sane gave up this match, you will have 4 more years to practice and improve yourself to take part in next year’s Olympic. Chinese old saying goes to: give back one step, the sky and sea will belong to you. Moreover, give up sometime is also a representation of contentment. Sane to give up something in order to keep others is absolutely better than greedy pursue everything and achieve nothing at last.
For the above you might got the idea that I agree people sometime should sensible give up. Mainly because people’s ability have limit and give up sometime will bring you more chances. So I think it’s more sanely to give up sometime.

希望有经验的朋友告诉我这样的作文能拿多少分 我的目标是20以上 也就是20就达到我的目标了

Answer 1

Depending on personal experience, personality type and emotion concern, we find that some people hold the idea of people should never give up mean while others prefer to sometime people should give

1.mean应该换为means,因为主语为the idea,另外，尽量避免用we，可以选用

people,或者humality等，一个词最好不要出现2次以上

up something with considerate. From my point of view, it is more

2应为consideration吧，此处代表名词的意义。另：give up 这个词用了多遍，

可以考虑换个词

sensible to give up sometimes with considerate.
I have following arguments to support my opinion. First of all,

3。开头这句若换成Following arguments support my opinions会更好一些，高

级句型就是要多用被动语态，尽量少用第一人称。

people’s ability have limit. When we face a difficulty, sightless to

4。face换成encounter,meet或其他的词，用不同的词感觉更高级一点。

challenge it is not a very clever movement. So when people face his owns’ ability limit, I think it’s time to give up. To challenge difficulties beyond your ability is a very dangerous thing, but give up will bring you safety. Perhaps someone will say challenge will excavation people’s potential, but if the situation is out of your control, you may have great trouble even lost your life. Potential is
not a steady help and may not help you. Secondly, give up and abandon maybe will bring you more chances. From one side, we can say give up is a timid representation, but to the other side, give up is one way to keep your strength. For an example, in the Olympic game. Maybe some other competitors are stronger than you, at this time, if you try to challenge them sightless, you may get hurt even destroy your sports life. But sane gave up this match, you will have 4 more
years to practice and improve yourself to take part in next year’s Olympic. Chinese old saying goes to: give back one step, the sky and sea will belong to you. Moreover, give up sometime is also a representation of contentment. Sane to give up something in order to keep others is absolutely better than greedy pursue everything and achieve nothing at last.
For the above you might got the idea that I agree people sometime should sensible give up. Mainly because people’s ability have limit and give up sometime will bring you more chances. So I think it’s more sanely to give up sometime.

基本就是这样了，1）多用被动语态，
2）多记一些高级词汇，
3）保证每天的作文写作量，最好有一个长期的改作文伙伴，
4）多用不同词汇表达同一个意思

就这些吧，祝你成功！

这个分数不太好断，我当时得了24分