Question

求大神批改雅思10 test2 大作文谢谢

Some people think all university students can choose subjects to learn according to their interests. However, others believe that only useful subjects related to science and technology should be allowed to study. I agree that university students have the freedom to choose what they prefer to learn even though the subjects are not helpful enough.
It is necessary to know that universities are not places that only cultivate students with professional knowledge which can help them make a living in the future but should also be considered as places that help students explore their interests and potencies. Because students are usually more talented in fields they are interested in, depriving their rights to choose what to learn will limit their development in the future.
At the same time, more subjects which students are interested in can make their college life colorful and meaningful. Universities gather many students from different areas, undergraduates may feel lonely and isolated as they leave their homes and friends. Establishing courses according to students' interests can help them make friends because they have the same favors. If there are only subjects related to science and technology, life will be dull and rigid.
On the other hand, only providing helpful courses can help students concentrate on their majors. Students will spend more time on their professional lessons to get better grades which is beneficial for them to get a job in the future. However, graduates with single skills are becoming more and more disadvantaged in competitions nowadays. Compared to applicants with a single and outstanding technique, companies prefer applicants with various skills even they are not experts.
In conclusion, besides courses related to science and technology, universities should set up subjects that students are interested in to cultivate more talented students.

Answer 1

1. 第一句can choose改成should be free to choose；第二句related to science and tachnology需修正，要考虑文科生的存在；最后一句的have the freedom应改成should have the freedom.

2. 第二段第一句know改成note；后面的but should also be considered as places措辞有问题（不是“应该被视为/看作”，是本应该就是！），建议改成but are also institutions；单词potencies建议改成potentials. 最后一句be talented使用值得商榷，通常人们在感兴趣的领域会学习效率更高，但未必在这些领域就更有天赋，建议使用Because learning is normally more efficient in fields a student/students is/are interested in, depriving his/their…；单词limit改成hinder也许会更好。

3. 第三段第一句more subjects前面缺少一个类似learning/offering的定语；下一句的状语从句和后面的主句不搭，undergraduates前面缺少first-year或freshmen作定语，as-从句里homes改成families(家人)更好、they leave…friends改成带状语修饰的they leave their families and friends for such a long time for the first time也许是必要的；下一句establishing courses措辞不当，根据要表达的意思应该使用sorting course groups.最后一句依然要考虑文科生。

4. 第四段第三句的skills应使用单数。若担心体现不出“不同的人有不同的单一技术”，可以改用符合词single-skilled graduates. 下一句的outstanding措辞不当(真达到outstanding程度的人就会是稀缺人才)，建议改成comparatively better. 后面的even改成though.

5. 最后一段题主首先还是要考虑如何修改related to science and technology以便把文科涵盖进去的问题。其次，talented强调天分，一般后天培养出来的能力或才能不算talent的范畴。