Question

这是我写的自我介绍，希望大家帮我指点，改正错误。

self-introduction
Hello everyone, my name is xxx（不透漏名字了）, my English name is Sally. I'm 12 years old.I study in xxmiddle school, Class 10 Grade 1.
I have many hobby, such as, singing, drawing and riding bicyle. In the free time, I often read books, listen to music and play computer games.
My favourite subject is art, and I'm not good at science. I hope in the future, I can to keep my advantages, and correct errors.
大家都说的很好，我都不知道要听谁的了。O(∩_∩)O哈哈~

Answer 1

I study in xxmiddle school, Class 10, Grade 1.
这里漏了be动词,应该是I am study in xxmiddle school, Class 10, Grade 1.

many hobbies, many后面跟复数名词

My favourite subject is art, and I'm not good at science.
这一句在逻辑上有问题
你可以说
My favourite subject is arts, (继续拓展arts的内容)
或者说
I am doing good at art, but i am not good at science.

I hope, in the future, I can to keep my advantages, and correct errors.这里加一个逗号会好一些.

逻辑上有些不严谨.
初一的学生已经写得不错了..鼓励...

Answer 2

Hello everyone, my name is xxx（不透漏名字了）, my English name is Sally. I'm 12 years old.I study at xxmiddle school, Class 10 Grade 1.
I have many hobbies, such as singing, drawing and riding bicyles. In my spare time, I often read books, listen to music and play computer games.
My favourite subject is art, but I'm not good at science. I hope in the future, I can keep my advantages, and correct disadvantages.
Thanks!

十二岁的楼主 写得不错哦~~~鼓掌~~！！

Answer 3

I have many hobbies
such as 后面不用加逗号了。
but I'm not good at science.
I hope I can keep my advantages
in the future就不要了，这种事情不是留到未来做的。
error 一般不指人犯的错。改成mistakes好点

Answer 4

hobby应该是复数 hobblies
in my free time 改为during my free time
最后一句 I can keep my advantages
写的很好了 对于你这年纪来说

Answer 5

I have many hobby里的hobby换成hobbies，后面的such as 不要，或者换成like，最后一句可以写的简单些。