Question

修改高中英语作文了

题目是：人人都渴望幸福，但有时我们忙于学业忙于工作而忽视了生活中幸福的点点滴滴。你认为幸福是什么？结合生活中的事例阐述你对幸福的理解。

我的作文：
Happiness is a vital mood which many people neglect from time to time . In my opinion ,happiness is easy to achieve if you always keep a usual mind .
A large majority of people think that life won’t be at ease without enough money or high position（好的地位） . So,they strive for the goals every day and have no happiness.In fact,their definition to happiness isn’t exact.
From my point of view,happiness is a positive attitude to life. An unexpected present,some encouraging words,even a bunch of fresh flowers can make me happy.For me ,I think that those who bring happiness to others are the happiest in the world.
Life is a book,in which happiness is the shinest part .What’s more,happiness is just like aperfume.Only when you yourself have it,will others smell and share it.
有些词不知怎么翻才好，就乱写了，因此括号里标注了中文。自知有许多错误！恳请哥哥，姐姐们指出。也希望能从文章结构，文采等方面提出意见和建议，谢谢！

Answer 1

1.vital mood ，1）删掉 vital 。【你表达的这句话翻译过来是：幸福是一种长久以来被人们忽视的重要心情 2）不应该是心情吧。。改成：thing

3 high position 应该是 high （social） status 【position 职位；status 地位】

4 and have no happiness ：and 改为 but 【这里明显表示转折的意思 】

5 definition to : to 改为 of 【固定搭配】

6 exact 这里想说对幸福的定义不精确吗？语法没错，但根据后文的意思，我觉是想说，他们没有完全领会到幸福的真谛：they don't have a better understanding of what the truth of happiness is.

7 attitude towards ，【to 用的很少 】

8 For me 换成 Personally 【不生硬了，地道些】

9 Life is a book,in which happiness is the shinest part 这个。。说不上哪里不好，其实也还好。。【我纠结了。。】
不是有句话这样说吗“生命就像一场旅行，不必在乎目的地，在乎的是沿途的风景，以及看风景的心情”所以，仿照一下，我这样写： Happiness is just like a travel,it's unnecessary to care about the destination,but the scenery along the way,the the mood with it. 【写完我有点后悔，貌似有点罗嗦，呵呵，】

10 what's more 放这生硬，像是为了用到它而硬生生插进去的，删掉它。
下文也是把幸福作比，我觉得两个留一个就行了。

11.like a perfume那个，you yourself have it 应该是 your own have it 【你自己是：your own 】其实这里 have 用得有点怪怪的.就是想说，幸福就像香水，会“传染”。
有时候一个句子用英语说出来会很怪，这时候就行该想想：用中文还有没有更好的说法；用英文说还有没有更好的句式。

另外：文章第一句（应该表明中心、主题）是说：幸福被人们忽视，后文就应该讲他是如何、为什么被忽视的……；而这里的后文是讲幸福没有被人们更好的认识，及不同的幸福观，于文章主题句就有点偏了。。。

多读英文文章，培养语感，真的，能培养出来。还得全面发展，听说读写……
long way to go ~~

Answer 2

happiness怎么会是mood呢？改成thing
happiness is easy to achieve——幸福作主语，就应该是被动啦，是人去得到幸福，改成 happiness can be owned by everyone on condition that...或 we can easily gain happiness if...( we don't expect too much from life and remain as usual whatever difficulties we come across...)
A large majority of people think that life is far from satisfying（远远不如人意） without...
as a result ,they strive for their goals every day but become too hard to feel happy.
definition for happiness...is not true.
An unexpected present,...前面要加上for example,通顺
for me=i think，i think 可以不用了
貌似香水perfume是不可数的吧，不能加 a
最后一段很有文采。写的很好，继续努力！