Question

帮我给这篇TOEFL作文打下分吧

题目:More and more employers are offering their employees the option to telecommute, that is, to carry out their work from home via the Internet as opposed to working in the office. Why do you think employers have started to provide this option? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

As we see nowadays the ways of working are being more and more optional and various.Employers are offering their employees the option of telecommute,so they can carry out their work from home via the Internet instead of working in the office.The possible reasons for this phenomenon are as follows.

First, working at home via personal computers can provide officers with a more comfortable and enjoyable environment.Homes can release people's anxiety and stress.Because people will feel much better staying in a familiar and close environment with delicious snacks and family members.So they'll enable them an optimal circumstance to strive for career.Thus,officers can improve their efficiency and work with a pleasant mood.It'll be beneficial for their assignments.

Second of all,bringing work home will help them arrange their time better.Maybe when you get a date with your girlfriend or you've got to go to the hospital to care for your relatives,but you have to stay in the office to finish your work,that will be frustrating and put off your personal things.However, carrying out your work from home will avoid such situations.You can choose whenever you like to finish it before the deadline.So you can tackle both your private businesses and work.

Thirdly,working at home will make your work easier to finish.Because you may need some specific information or material related to help finish it.But they're not available in the office.So you can look up those files at home or go out to the library.Working at home will provide you with more flexible ways about searching for information.

What's more,as contemporary societies are rapidly developing, businesses for people are getting more and more complicated and tiring.So employees may have to work in the office until very late at night.This lead them to go home very late.Especially for ladies, it can't be safe for them to go home alone during midnight and they may also disturb their family members.So working from home will aviod such dangers and create a more harmonious family life.

Overall, telecommuting is so beneficial and flexible that more and more employers are choosing such a way of working for employees.I strongly support this option and of course it'll be more popular in the future

Answer 1

楼主你好！
看完了您的作文，我想给您提几个建议

1、格式问题。句号和下一个单词中间应该空一格，这样放在word里面看是没有语法问题的。否则看起来会比较拥挤，不舒服。

2、字数比较少。一般而言，托福的作文，越长，越容易得高分，这是因为文章的长度从一定程度上决定了文章的说服力。这就引到了第三点。

3、观点应该有事实细节支撑。每一个观点不能只是说理，应该举例。这样的话，也避免了文章过分干巴，字数也就上去了。

4、其实真正TOEFL写作考试的时候，是不会出现这样（what、why）的作文题的。考试出现的作文题无非两种：1、给出观点1和观点2，问你哪一种你赞同。2、给出观点1，问你是否赞同观点1.

总体而言这篇文章还是可以的，只是建议您能注意一下上面的那些问题。

我去年考的托福，作文是29分，您要是有兴趣可以联系我，咱们可以进一步探讨探讨哈~