Question

跪求雅思a类大作文修改及评分！急啊

some people think that, in order to improve the quality of education, students should be encouraged to evaluate and criticize their teachers. others feel that this will result in a loss of respect and discipline in the classroom. dicuss both sides and give your opinion.

These days, public debate has been going on in my country over whether students should be inspired to evaluate and point out the mistakes that they think their teachers may have made. I intend to present my ideas about the pros and cons of it.
As for the students studying in rural areas in my country, their teachers are not well-experienced, and well-bred. Therefore, inevitably, they may impose corporal punishment to their students when they are moderately offended or when their students do not obey school rules. If they were informed that it is appropriate to notify their teachers the invalidity of carrying out physical abuse to youngsters, then this kind of situation would not occur.
In comparison with those who studies in poor areas, students in cities, undoubtedly, are given much more decent schooling. However, there is still need to encourage them to evaluate their teachers. For instance, it can promote the communication between students and teachers. As far as I am concerned, teaching refers to the exchange of a great amount of knowledge and different personal opinions. If this process only involved teachers’ output, but no feedback from students, then it could not be described as effective ‘work’. Furthermore, once teachers receive the comments from students, they are more likely to accept the beneficial ones rather than just completely neglecting them. This will exert a positive impact on the improvement of teaching methods and more importantly, the establishment of friendship between them.
On the other hand, this practice could possibly give rise to poor discipline in the classroom, as some naught boys might put forward unjustified suggestions in order to accomplish the purpose of creating tension. Not only would this have adverse effects on teaching, but it would also partly destroy the faith that teachers have in their students.
Overall, my view is that we should support this suggestion on the grounds that it enables teachers to have good awareness of students’ main interests, which enormously helps them have good control of the class. At the meantime, I am quite convinced that students will find their class absorbing.

Answer 1

雅思7分路过
第一段：
建议把pro and con改成merit and demerit，不算是错误，只是改写的更高级点
第二段：
第五排的then去掉，多余了
studies改成study，因为前面主语是复数
倒数第五排的then 也去掉。不需要这么多连词

总的来说写的还挺好，给人改了这么多雅思作文了你这篇算是写的错误最少扒宽的了。你这题目在《十天突破雅思写作》里有范文的，估计你也看了吧。春如亮如果确实是在40分钟之类完成字写的也不错的话得个6分没问题。不过还是有几点得注意一下：
1.这种评价两方观点并且给出你自己的看法的题目，最好两方观点各写一段然后自己的观点单独写一段，而不是像你这篇这样在前面就出现了诸如As far as I am concerned这种表示自己的观点的词汇。不是说不可以这么写，只是考官在改的时候按我说的那种写法思路更清晰。
2.最后一段一定不能再出现新的观点了，只能对前面进行总结。你这篇文章最后一段貌似橡含是写自己的观点吧，最好别这样。

写的不错，努努力就能稳6分了。