Question

高考 英语作文 求详细批改

假如你是李华，你的美国网友JACK目前正在一家孔子学院学习汉语，你们俩约定每周
都给对方写一封信，他用汉语，你用英语，以期相互学习和帮助。最近你受到他发来的一封电子邮件，请你根据下列提示用英语给他写一封回信：1。表扬他的进步，并指出来信中的错误；2。给他一些改进的具体建议；3。你将发给他一篇游记，期待他对你的邮件进行回复。
Dear Jack,
I’m just so glad to receive your regular letter. （括号前为题目给的 括号后为我写的）You have made so big progress in Chinese! You really improve a lot in your Grammar, sentence structures and language applying. I’m sure you will make bigger progress in future.
Your letter has some mistakes. You wrote some Chinese characters in a wrong way. I think practicing writing them and reading Chinese books are good ways to correct writing errors. Also, there are some sentences which are hard to understand. Listening to Chinese broadcasting, and watching Chinese movies can help you experience authentic Chinese life. As for grammar, there is also some grammar mistakes. Grammar of Chinese language is not that difficult. I think you’ll soon correct them after paying efforts.
I am attaching an English travel note to this email. Looking forward to your reply.
Yours,
Li Hua
请提供详细批改
包括短语用得不对的地方
语法错误 低级错误 更高级的句型
润色的建议 作为高考作文不足之处和优秀文章的差距
谢谢！

Answer 1

You have made so big progress in Chinese!【And what really surprised me is your perfect handwriting.】

评价：正确的句子，含义略单调
修改：

You really improve a lot in your Grammar【完成时！】, sentence structures and language applying. I’m sure you will make bigger progress in future.
评价：时态不对，内容可以
修改：
【新段】
【However】 Your letter【also】 has some mistakes.
评价：转折连词在哪里！这很关键，段与段，句子与句子之间一定得有联系。内容不能显得太突兀。
修改：
You wrote some Chinese characters in a wrong way.
评价：怪怪的
修改：You made a few mistakes. Some Chinese characters you used is not proper.

I think (practicing writing them and reading Chinese books)【reading and writing】 are good ways to correct writing errors.
评价：总体还行，有点罗嗦
修改：
Also, there are some sentences which are hard to understand.
评价：语态错！被动
修改：be understood

Listening to Chinese broadcasting, and watching Chinese movies【also】 can help you experience authentic Chinese life. As for grammar, there is also some (grammar) mistakes.
评价：啊哈哈哈中文有语法？
修改：
Grammar of Chinese language is not that difficult.
评价：我承认
修改：
I think you’ll soon correct them after paying efforts.
评价：不要老用think ，suppose consider什么的都可以的。句子很好

修改：
【新段】
I am attaching an English travel note to this email. Looking forward to your reply.
评价：乱错，时态&没完成题目要求的作文内容
修改：An english travel note is attached behind the letter, and what I need is your precious comment.

总评：首先题目要求内容必须完成。内容还可以充实，连接词加强，过渡加强。用词可以再好些。

Answer 2

我不知道高考的评分标准如何，以我愚见，语法错误若干；句式比较单调；用词可以更多样化；部分句子搭配不合理，感觉头重脚轻；句与句连接有些生硬

追问

请详细地改正一下 谢谢！

追答

抱歉，我不是老师，让我写一篇没问题，改我不擅长。
你翻翻语法书，学过的语法，句式你用上了么？强调句，倒装句，虚拟语气，独立主格，各种从句你都要用上去
1。表扬他的进步，并指出来信中的错误；2。给他一些改进的具体建议；3。你将发给他一篇游记，期待他对你的邮件进行回复 这3点的用词量一定要接近，切勿有的很长有的很短
连接词换些高级的