Question

请四级阅卷老师帮我批改这篇作文 2008.6 先修改，然后再看能不能是文采更美。

Nowadays,all kinds of recreation activities appear on the world.In my opinon, recreation activities is a two-edged weapon,on the one hand,it is beneficial to us,after working or studying manfy hours,our brain needs relaxs.we can watch TV，play computer games,chat witn friends,listen the music,paly sport and so on.this can make us relaxing,so that we can work or study better then.But on the other hand, recreation activitiescan erode people’s heart,even put good student to the abyss of sin.Because adolescent inable to control themselves.

Answer 1

语法修改：
1．recreation activities is a two-edged weapon中的谓语应该是are，双刃剑应该是doule-edged sword
.2 studying manfy hours中的manf（许多）应该是many
3 our brain needs relaxs中relax是一个动词，而need也是动词，这样就造成一个句子有两个谓语的错误，relax换成relaxation
4 this can make us relaxing，让某人觉得怎么样，应该是relaxed
5 Because adolescent inable to control themselves.中inable换成unables
6 paly sport换成play sport
文章润色：
1All kinds of 人人都会写，换成all sorts of recreation activities，或者recreation activities in all kinds
2in my opinion 换成for my part
3．And so on 换成and so forth