Question

各位大神帮忙看看这篇雅思作文能得多少分？？

Mobile phones and the Internet are useful tools.
However, not many elderly people use them. In what ways can mobile phones and
the Internet be useful to elderly people? How can elderly people be encouraged
to use them?

In a multicultural
society, technology has revolutionised the way we communicate. Mobile phones
and the Internet, now, are essential for us. But only a few elderly individuals
use them. The reason is that they do not know how to use them. Thus, their
adult children would be well-advised to spend time teaching them how to use mobile
phones and the Internet.

Nowadays many
elderly individuals live apart from their adult children because their children
need to work outside. Thus, they always feel lonely and isolated. Mobile phones
and the Internet are pretty useful tools which are beneficial to their
emotional health. If they meet something urgent or trouble, they can use mobile
phones to communicate with their adult children and keep in touch with them
especially for the old who live alone. Most of the old do not need to work so
they only stay at home without any interest. Their adult children would be
well-advised to teach them how to play online games and the Internet provides
reliable weather forecasts and news as their leisure activities.

Thus, some
communities would be well-advised to organize some activities to illustrate
what is the benefit to use the mobile phones and the Internet. The elderly
individuals can learn to use mobile phones and the Internet with their
neighbours. They will find the common interest and be more patient to learn how
to use the mobile phones and the Internet.

To conclude,from
what has been discussed above,I tend to believe that using mobile phones and
the Internet can exercise their brain keeping flexible. However, they cannot
rely too much on the mobile phones and the Internet. The radiation is harmful
to their health so they would be well-advised to limit their time spent on the
Internet.

Answer 1

　　雅思写作的评分标准：
　　task one TA CC LR GRA
　　task two TR CC LR GRA
　　根据以上表格我们不难看出，Task 1和Task 2的评分标准只有第一条(任务完成情况)不同，由于Task 1考查的是图表作文，所以要比Task 2少一项任务，就是不需要有作者的立场(Position)。除此之外，两个任务都需要有具体的内容和合理的结构、良好的连贯性和衔接性、丰富的词汇资源以及语法的多样性和准确性。以下我们来结合Task 2的具体实例来谈一谈。
　　1. 任务完成情况
　　任务完成情况主要包括三个方面：内容(content)是否切题，立场(position)是否鲜明并得到有效阐释，结构(structure)是否有逻辑性。
　　内容如何做到切题，关键在于审题时要找准题目的主题(topic)以及针对该主题所提出的问题(topic questions)。一般来说，主题就是题目中反复出现或主句中充当主语或宾语的名词以及名词短语，而问句则通常就是我们要讨论的要点，如果要点理解有误或漏掉某个要点，则都属于没有切题。譬如：
　　With the increasing use of mobile phones, less people tend to write letters. Some people believe that writing letters will disappear completely. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
　　从这个题目当中我们不难看出writing letters出现的频率较高，且都在主句中出现，说明它就是我们要找的主题，如果你过多描述mobile phones给我们带来的好处就跑题了。另外，题目的写作任务也很清楚：Do you agree that writing letters will disappear completely? 属于“支持或反对”类的题，必须明确表达你的立场，不能既同意又不同意，同时表达你同意或不同意的理由。
　　立场要做到鲜明并得到有效阐释需要有如下几个内容：topic sentence(主题句)，main ideas(论点)，supporting points(论据)。主题句通常放在文章的首段，开门见山地表明你的立场，主题句只能有一个;论点放在中间段的首句，让读者一目了然，论点应该有两个以上，否则论证就不充分;论据包括evidence(证据)、examples(例子)等，放在论点后面，每个论点都应该有论据作支撑，否则就会显得论据不足。
　　合理的文章结构通常由三大部分组成，即引言(introduction)、主体(body)和结论(conclusion)，写4-5段比较合理。引言要涵盖主题、写作任务和主题句，主体则要包括足够的论点和论据，结论可以重申观点、提出建议或展望未来。在这里需要提醒大家一定要认真审题，许多考生在考试的时候没有看清题目要求，明明题目分析优缺点，有些同学却写成了同意与否的题目，整篇文章走题，只能取得5分以下的分数。
　　2. 连贯与衔接
　　文章的连贯性主要体现在段落与段落之间，句子与句子之间。
　　段落之间的“启”、“承”、“转”、“合”可通过表顺序的过渡词完成，譬如：
　　表示开始：first of all, in the first place, at the very beginning, to begin with, currently, at present, for one thing等。
　　表示承接：besides, further more, in addition, moreover, what’s more, meanwhile, apart from, as well as, similarly, in the same way等。
　　表示转折：however, whereas, while, on the contrary, in contrast, on the other hand等。
　　表示结论：in conclusion, in brief, in short, to sum up, ultimately, overall等。
　　句子之间的逻辑关系也要通过一些逻辑连词来完成，譬如：
　　表示原因：because (of ), accordingly, due to, owing to, for this reason, since, as a result, as a consequence等。
　　表达观点：in my opinion, personally, from my viewpoint, it seems to me, it is clear to me that, as far as I am concerned
　　举例说明：for example, for instance, as follows, such as, that is to say, namely, just as, in particular等。
　　表示让步：although, in spite of, despite of, despite the fact that, regardless of等。
　　建议大家可以在平日的练习中多多使用这些连词造句，不能只认识而不会使用，例如in spite of 和 despite这两个词后面只能跟短语而不能跟句子，这都是同学们在作文中常常犯的错误。
　　3. 词汇资源
　　词汇的多少并不能决定文章的好坏，但用词的精准性是可以加分的。一般来说词汇的准确表达可以通过两个方面达到，一是在用词的难度上拔高，二是在近义词的多种表达上提升。譬如要描述一个好人，很多同学首先想到的形容词就是good, kind, wise, nice, clever, great, bright等词，而这些词往往很难出彩，因为描述太过于抽象，如果能用到诸如ambitious, tactful, eloquent, charismatic, committed之类的词就很具体了。当然，这些词需要我们平时的日积月累，不是靠一两天的功夫就可以运用自如的。还有，值得提醒的是不要认为这些词好就过分堆积，会给考官留下华而不实的感觉，正如优秀的厨师往往都不会用太多的佐料，而只需油盐就可以了。
　　雅思写作取得高分的关键在于灵活地运用词汇，多使用非常用词汇，分数一般来说不会低于5.5分。因此，在日常学习中，如何区别低分词汇和高分词汇是关键所在。中国考生一般来说可以比较正确的表达出自己的观点，但是对于词汇和句式的使用就有些茫然了，经常会重复使用词汇，句式也只会用简单句。举一个例子，英语中的‘我认为’有无数种说法，大多数中国考生只会用‘I think’ , 值得注意的是，学术写作中的 ‘我认为’不能使用这个词组，I contend, from my point of view, as far as I am concerned, I argue, I assert…这些词汇都是学术英语中表示个人观点的高分词汇。
　　4. 语法的多样性和准确性
　　句子的好坏主要取决于句子结构的准确性和丰富性，句子的长度和复杂性以及用语的逻辑性和正式性。
　　句子结构的准确性涉及主谓一致、句子平衡性等问题，比如：The main reason for this use of informal languages are various and complicated. 这个句子不细心的同学很难发现它有问题，因为主语太长有时会忽视真正的主语其实是the main reason，是个单数形式，所以are 应该改为is. 再比如：In my opinion, use mobile phones to send messages is more convenient than write letters. 这是个很典型的错误，很多同学在写作的过程当中会误把动词或动词短语当主语用而造成句子结构的错误，而只有动词的非谓语形式才能在句中充当主语或宾语，因此，此句正确的表达应该是：In my opinion, using mobile phones to send messages is more convenient than writing letters.
　　句子结构的丰富性也是考官给分的一个亮点，好的段落应该由不同的句式组成，而不应该是千篇一律的句子结构。例如：I have many hobbies. For example, I like movies, I like playing basketball and football, and I like singing and dancing. 很明显，该句完全由“I + do”结构组成且like使用的频率过高，我们不妨做如下修改：I have many hobbies. Movies, for example, are my favorite and I am also fond of playing basketball and football. Sometimes when staying with my friends, I’d prefer singing and dancing rather than any other way of amusement.
　　句子的长度和难度是很多考生追求的目标，其实并不需要每个句子都写得很长很复杂，相反，如果整篇文章都是长难句，考官也会觉得很厌烦，就像一个人喜欢吃红烧肉，如果你天天给他吃红烧肉，他也会觉得很腻味一样，因此最好的方法就是长短句结合。
　　短句变长：即善用连接词and, but, or, yet, so等。例如：Living off campus is exciting. Living off campus is more independent. I prefer the convenience of living on campus. 不难看出，这是两种对立的观点，因此我们可以将其变为：Living off campus is exciting and more independent, but I prefer the convenience of living on campus.
　　还有比较重要的一点是不容忽视的，即用语的正式性和严谨性。实际上，在汉语中也有很多这样的例子，比如我们说：“这里人真多啊!”这就是一个典型的口语化的表达方式，而如果用“人山人海”、“车水马龙”、“摩肩接踵”等词来形容人多就是写作语言了。我们不妨看几个非正式用语的句子：Parents have to get kids food and other stuff. 此句中的kids和stuff就是两个非正式用语，如变成：Parents have to provide children with food and other necessities.就正式了。再如：People always say competitive sports are totally cool. 此句中的cool以及这个句式都是属于比较口语化的，应该变为：It is always said that competitive sports benefit us in several important ways.

Answer 2

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