Question

请高手帮我修改一下下面的英语翻译。 语法正确，大意对即可，不必一个词一个词翻译。

西安最近的天气已经开始慢慢转凉，上海的天气还是依然很热吗？
请在辛苦工作的同时，一定注意保重身体。

上次您来西安的时候，我也曾向您提起过调换岗位的事情，
但由于自己准备不足等种种原因，没有正式提出。

在您走后的这段时间里，我抓紧时间学习设计软件及各方面的相关知识。
现在已经可以独立地完成一般的3D建模等工作。虽然我没有良好的机械方面的背景。
但是我相信通过自己的努力与学习，可以胜任一个CAD工程师的日常工作。如果可以的话，我想支持日本的机械类的工作。
另外，西安是我的家乡，我想我有一个比较好的稳定性。

目前我自己现有的日常工作也比较繁忙，而且在白天又没有可供练习使用的软件。
出于自身想学到更多的知识，有一个更大的发展，虽然我也觉得这个请求非常的无理，,但是我仍希望您能给我一次机会，批准我转入CAD工程师的岗位。

最后，祝您工作顺利。

Recently, Xi'an’ weather is turning cool, how about shanghai? Is it still hot?
Except hard work, please be kindly take care of health.

The last time you come to Xi'an, I have talked you to swap positions.
However, I lack of preparedness at that time, so did not formally proposed.

Since you leave to xi’an, I lose no time to study of mechanical design software and other knowledges.

Now,I can independently complete the general 3D modeling works and so on. Although I do not have a good mechanical background.

But I believe that through their own efforts and learning, I could do a CAD engineer's daily work. If possible, I would like to support the Japan division's machinery work.
In addition, Xi'an is my hometown, I think I have a good stability.

Currently I am available daily work more busy, and did not use the software for practice.

Currently my available daily work more busy, and didn’t have the software for practice at day.

I would like to learn more knowledge, have a greater development. Although I find this request very unreasonable, but I still want you to give me a chance, allow me to transfer CAD engineering positions.

The finally, wish you success in your work.
满意的答案，再加送30分！谢谢！

Answer 1

1。Recently, Xi'an’ weather is turning cool, how about shanghai?口语是行的，但书面语，不行，改成Recently, Xi'an’ weather is turning cool。How about shanghai?或者Recently, Xi'an’ weather is turning cool； how about shanghai?
2。。kindly用的不太好，因为kindly的意思是亲切地, 和蔼地, 友好地, 仁慈地 ……改成surely。此外将please放在后面读起来较好
3.I lack of preparedness at that time, so did not formally proposed.语法错误，因为lack是及物动词，将of去掉，准备是preparation。此外这个句子没有关联词，应该是because i lack preparation at that time，so i did not formally proposed。
4.时态不对，将leave改成left，study是及物动词，将of 去掉，knowledge是不可数名词，将s去掉
5。英语里如果用although表示“虽然”，那么不可以在后面加“but”，所以将but去掉，既然是“自己的努力”就没必要加their了，将之去掉
6。Currently I am available daily work more busy, and did not use the software for practice.很乱，改成;
Currently I am busying with my daily work , and don't have the available software for practice at day
7.I would like to learn more knowledge, have a greater development. 这里有两个谓语，也就是相当于两个句子，那么他们之间就不能用逗号连接，应该用分号者句号。而且这句话的因果逻辑关系表达不明显，改成
：I would like to learn more knowledge,so as to have a greater development.
8。将Although I find this request very unreasonable, but I still want you to give me a chance, allow me to transfer CAD engineering positions.中的but去掉，将want改成hope 比较好，将chance换成opportunity比较正式。positions后面的s去掉，这里同样犯了一个句子有两个或两个以上谓语的错误，改成Although I find this request very unreasonable,I still hope you to give me a chance, and allow me to get CAD engineering position
9。副词前面不加任何冠词，将the去掉

Answer 2

你原来的翻译基础不错，以下只做了小的修改：

Recently, the weather in Xi'an is turning cool, how about Shanghai? Is it still hot?
Please be sure to take care of your health while working hard.

Last time when you came to Xi'an, I have mentioned that I want to swith to another position.
However, since I lacked preparation at that time, I did not formally raised my suggestion.

Since you left Xi’an, I lose no time to study mechanical design software and other knowledges.

Now,I can independently complete the general 3D modeling works and so on, although I do not have a good mechanical background.

But I believe that through my own efforts and learning, I am able to do a CAD engineer's daily work. If possible, I would like to support the Japan division's machinery work.
In addition, Xi'an is my hometown, I think it's comparatively stable here.

Currently I am very busy with my daily work , and I don't have software for practice at daytime.

I would like to learn more knowledge, and hope to have a greater development. Although I find this request very unreasonable, but I still want you to give me a chance.Please allow me to transfer to a CAD engineering position.

Finally, wish you success in your work.
再次修改了，已经不错了。祝你成功！