Question

关于英语的问题

上课有个showtime要讲一个英语笑话，我的英语很差，所以最好是比较短比较搞笑，很好读的笑话。拜托各位了，谢谢！

最好有中文翻译。

Answer 1

首先先你要端正心态，不要急躁，不管别人考多少分，你做你自己的事，这样才能静下心来学习。要成为英语高手就必须比别人走更多的路，做更多的事，所以单词和语法都要拿下。
首先，对于单词，有如下几种方法，第一个，是加强记忆的频度，也就是说，早上记了几个，隔几个小时又看一次，总之一天之内，记忆的间隔不要太长，否则你辛苦积累的记忆会随着时间的延长而淡化，第二个，是可以根据自己的理解编顺口溜，比如good morning 是狗摸你……，第三个，最重要的是，记单词的时候，不要忘了阅读，一边记单词，一边看文章，这样可以把孤立的单词串联起来，记忆的效果会加倍，第四个。我建议你记单词要分门别类记忆，要形成一个意群，比如，重要性用magnitude magnificence ，表示非常，大大地有exceedingly，tremendously，extremely……这样做在你写作时，是十分有好处的，写作时不要尽写一些低级词汇，你要写高级词汇，比如重要性写magnitude，许多写a multitude of 或者handsome。
其次，是语法。学习语法，首先要明白什么是主谓宾定状补，什么是系动词，什么是直接宾语，间接宾语，这些是学习语法的基础，语法是房子，主谓宾定状补等是沙石砖瓦
最后，我建议你，平时读报，或者做题的时候，发现有好的句子好的词汇，你要抄下来，长期下来，你的作文会有提高的，需要说明的是，这个提高过程可能很缓慢，但是最后能收到很好的效果，以前25分的作文我都能保证在21-23这个级别，靠的就是对语法的熟练掌握和积累了许多较高级的词汇，句型，句子。我个人的理解是，在你的语法达到基本不会出错的程度上，作文便应该以词汇取胜，因为在这个层次上，大家的语法都差不多，没什么变化，唯一有变化的就是你的词汇！给你打个比方吧，很多想到“许多”就用many，但是你别忘了many a ；handsome；massive，innumerable；很多人想到“专家”就写expert，但很少人会想到specialist，很多人在想到“擅长”这词，就写be good at ，却不知还有更高级的表达法：be expert at 或者excel in ……高手和庸才，就体现在这些细微的差别上
我用我的方法。从高一时90多，到高考129
希望对你有帮助

Answer 2

英语是慢工出细活的，所以平时要主动积累。语法就不必说了，无骨肉将焉附？而单词就是所谓的肉，没有肉就等于没有生命。所以，要注意利用零碎时间记单词。而语法则要系统的、反复的学习。最后，语言应当学以致用，不要学的太过生硬，多找人交流，最好是外国人。 关于笑话，在网上有很多，但最好选寓意深刻的好。抱歉没有仔细看问题，所以，上面的话建议你考虑一下，毕竟多一门语言，就能多认识很多朋友的。

Answer 3

JOKE 1
Wife talking to her husband (who reads newspaper all day): I wish I were a newspaper so I'll be in your hands all day.
Husband: I wish that too, so I could change you daily

JOKE 2
A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?
The father replied: I don 't know son. I 'm still paying!!

JOKE 3
At midnight father saw that his married son leaving home... He asks him: what are you doing?
The son replied: Dad I am fed up with my life! My newly marriage is not going well, my wife and my mom keep fighting with each other! I have to pay bills for my in-laws, and I hate this life!!! I want to go far from here, I want to taste every joy of life, and I want to have every fun of life!!!
Father said: Wait!!!!!!!! I am coming with you

JOKE 4
A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answered: Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?
The husband laughed and said: An English girl!!!
The woman kept quiet and left. Two weeks later he picked her up in the airport and asked: So honey, how was the trip?
The wife: Very good, thank you.
The husband: And, what happened to my present?
The wife: Which present?
The husband: What I asked for: the English girl?
The wife: Oh, that! Well, I did what I could; now we have to wait a few months to see if it’s a girl!!!

JOKE 5
A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked woman with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn 't like it and moves on, but the husband keeps looking. The wife asks, "What are you waiting for? " The husband replies, "autumn. "

JOKE 6
A man is sitting reading his newspaper when the wife sneaks up behind him and whacks(打) him on the head with a frying pan. "What the hell was that for? " he asks. "That was for the piece of paper in your trouser pockets with the name Mary Ellen written on it, " she replies. Don 't be silly, " he says. "Two weeks ago when I went to the races(赛马), Mary Ellen was the name of one of the horses I bet on. " She seems satisfied at this, and she apologizes. Three days later he 's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails(打，俚语) him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold. When he comes around, he asks again, "What the hell was that for? " "Your fucking horse just phoned. "

JOKE 7
Wife to husband: you were so drunk last night that you insulted your boss.
Husband: piss on him! Wife: you did and he fired you!
Husband: fuck him!
Wife: I did and you can go back to work tomorrow.

JOKE 8
A couple drove several miles down a country road with intense silence. Not a word was said to each other. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither wanted to concede his position. As they passed a barnyard of mules(骡子) and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours? " "Yep, " the husband replied, "in-laws ".

转载知道回答者： 枫叶拿铁
希望能够帮到你，忆苦思甜团队译

Answer 4

(如果控制语速，大约四分钟讲完)

One real man

The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives. He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely.

Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.

It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom. Tell these chickenhearted dunces（傻瓜） why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.

Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.

一个真正的男子汉

古代有一个国王，他想证明他领土内的男人并非像人们传说的那样，受到老婆的管制。他把王国里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告说，哪个男人胆敢不说实话，就会受到严厉的惩罚。

然后，他叫所有听从妻子的命令和意见的男人都走向大厅的左侧。所有的男人都站到了左侧，只有一个小个子男人站到了右侧。

国王说：看到我们国家里还有一个真正的男子汉，真是令人高兴。告诉这些胆小的笨蛋，为什么在他们当中只有你一个人站在大厅的右侧。

陛下，那人尖声地回答：因为在我出门之前，我老婆告诉我不要扎堆。

Answer 5

要不你唱首歌，推荐Hey,Soul Sister,很好唱的