Question

高分求英语小笑话！急！

不要太短，大概可以讲4-5分钟，单词不要太复杂，明天演讲用，急！【请不要发链接】

Answer 1

A 20-yr old pretty, sexy and sensual girl went to see a psychiatrist.
'Doctor, I'm so angry at my boyfriend that I must call him Bastard. I
feel that he's gone too far, and he deserves it.'
'Hmm? Such a word is strong and rude. But may be you have your own
reasons. Tell me about it so that I can help you.'
'Yes, thank you, Doctor. There was one night...we parked our car
besides the beach and we were alone... and... he held my hand....'
'Did he hold your hand like this?'
'Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're holding it now'
'If it's only this, he doesn't deserve to be called Bastard. It means
he doesn't want to be separated from you.'
'Then, he leaned his body towards me... and hugged me...'
'Like this?'
'Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're doing.'
'It's not a Bastard.
It means he wanna stay forever by your side'
'Then he kissed me...'
'Like this?'
'Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're kissing me.'
'If its only a kiss like this, seriously you can't call him Bastard.
it means he adores you.'
'Then he put his hands inside my clothes and touched my boobs, Doc...'
'Like this?'
'Yes, Doctor... exactly like that'
'It's not behavior of a bastard. It means he wants to protect you.'
'Then he took off all my clothes... slowly... '
'Did you resist?'
'No. I let him do it, coz I love him...'
'Did he take off your clothes like this?'
'Yes, Doctor. Until I'm completely naked like now......'
'He still doesn't deserve to be called 'Bastard, because it means he
wanna learn about your body completely.'
'Then he kissed me and put his.... inside me and had sex with me...'
.......................
'Did he do it just like what we do?'
'Yes, Doctor. Exactly the same'
'You still can't call him Bastard. It means he needs you.'
'But then he told me that he has AIDS'
All the staff and patients outside heard the doctor screaming,'
BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRD!'

Answer 2

A girl was throwing stones at a cow. Her father came & scolded her for throwing the stones at the cow & then told to her that cows are like mothers to them & should be respected. Next day guests come to their to their house & asked for her father. She said "Father is pressing breast of mother".

一个小女孩朝着奶牛扔石头。爸爸回来了并斥责他不要朝着奶牛扔石头，并告诉她，对待奶牛就像对待妈妈那样得到尊重。第二天，客人来到她家，问她爸爸在哪，她说爸爸正在给妈妈挤奶(其实他爸爸正在给奶牛挤奶)。