Question

帮我看看我的英语文章好吗 谢谢拉 BEC的考试

Report on: Staff Enrolling Methods
Introduction
The purpose of this report is to summarise the strengths and weakness of each recruitment methods and recommend which channel we shall choose to recruit staff.

Findings
We all know that the understaffed circumstance has triggered a series of problems and we cannot work effectively and efficiently without the appointment of enough PR and CS members. Because of this, we need to finish the recruitment as soon as possible. As for the methods, recruitment agency can provide us enough quality applicants in a short time but the commission they quoted is very high. Thus, we can advertise in newspapers which we did many times before. We usually advertised in Chronicle, which may cost us $2,000 each month. However, if we pay additional $500 each month, we can have our advertisement in Echo, whose readers’ number is four times larger than Chronicle. Moreover, Echo enjoys a higher reputation.

Conclusion
The cost of agency is too much expensive. Advertising in Chronicle is proved to be an ineffective point while the cost of advertisement in Echo is very cost effective.

Recommendation
In order to receive more resumes in this period and have considered our finance situation, we should choose advertising in Echo as our enrolling method.

Answer 1

第一段有语法错误。额。就是小错误。比如单复数。
Because of this改为 therefore。个人意见。
the commission they quoted is very high. 不如the commission will be very high.
we can advertise 不如。we may turn to advertising ...

Thus, we can advertise in newspapers which we did many times before。
不如，直接就是，we may turn to advertising in newspapers just as we did before.

usually advertised 既然是经常性的，那么就该用一般现在时。

The cost of agency 不如直接，the cost of head-hunting companies.

the cost of advertisement 也许，ads 改为advertising 动词形式也好的。

最后一段，改变位置，
In order to receive more resumes in this period and have considered our finance situation, we should choose advertising in Echo as our enrolling method

having considered our finance situation,in order to ...we should..

以上仅为个人意见，希望有所帮助。