Question

雅思作文批改。100

Reality TV

Currently, the public has been tired about watching normal TV programs and it demands unique and unscripted TV Shows. The media explore average people’s life and present it on TV programs. However, there has been much debate revolving around the reality TV show. Some individuals assert the reality TV show affords a host of benefits to the public. In the meanwhile, many others contend that it may have detrimental effects as well.

Convincing argument can be made that the reality TV show has numerous benefits. In the first place, as a fresh form of TV program, audiences could gain tremendous entertainment and the number of the reality TV show audiences increase rapidly. According to the survey conducted by NBC, the reality TV show kept breaking the record of audience rating in US. In the second place, By watching how the characters of reality tv shows handle different kinds of situations, the viewers can be guided as to how they should handle their respective life issues as well. For example, the self-improvement and job searching-based reality TV shows exhibit the procedure and key elements of these hot topics. Especially, some reality TV shows trace the spot news and provide details of focus events, which could satisfy public curiosity. Moreover, the reality TV shows provide a chance for average people to express their own opinions. In the present age, the public want to hear the real and reliable opinions. The official report is commonly judged as not real or too political.

On the other hand, reality TV shows may have some potential significant drawbacks. To start with, the media utilize sensationalism and vulgarity to attract audiences and increase their rating. For example, In China, on a dating-based reality TV show, a male graduate was insulted by several girls because the young man does not have much money. Furthermore, the reality TV shows may harm individual’s privacy. For instance, in the TV show, the conversation between the interviewer and host may relate his/her friends’ privacy and the TV show broadcasts that private information to the public without the permission of his/her friends. Actually, some reality TV shows have been sued due to privacy issue.

In conclusion, reality TV shows afford us a lot of fun and enrich our leisure time it also may cause severe problems to society or individual. We could promote the development of reality TV shows but we should enforce more strict regulations on it.
想拿6.5.大伙看看行不行。

Answer 1

1.has been tired about watching normal TV
--》got tired of watching ordinary TV
Normal 和 abnormal 正反义词，（不）正常的
2.it demands
--》They would like to watch the ```(prefer )
3.there has been much debate revolving around the reality TV show.
--》there is a debate on （不需要完成进行时）
4.In the meanwhile--》Meanwhile
5.as a fresh form of TV program, audiences could gain tremendous entertainment and the number of the reality TV show audiences increase rapidly.
--》considering that it is a fresh form of TV program, audiences could gain tremendous entertainment ，besides，there is a fast increasing number of the reality TV show viewer .
主语：audiences ,不能audiences as a fresh form of TV program··
电视观众：television viewers
6.the viewers can be guided as to how they should handle their respective life issues as well.
--》the viewers can learn the way they handle their own life issues .
7.In the present age--》at present

···

整体感觉主被动有点混乱··个别词组，还是不要太汉语化··

纯粹个人理解··可参考··

Answer 2

Generally, I think you did a job. Here are some of my comments:
It is good that you followed “intro+body+conclusion” format. Every section seems to focus on the topic well and your explanations were reasonable. But I also have some suggestions.
1. trying to make "the introduction" more reliable. The statement "public has been tired of watching normal TV programs" seems too subjective. I think, at least, mid-aged people or seniors still have interest in watching normal programs. maybe it is a fact that the normal TV programs is not attractive as before, but it does not mean people are getting tired of watching it.
2. trying to defined "reality TV program" more clearly. "The media explore average people’s life and present it on TV programs. However, there has been much debate revolving around the reality TV show."
3. when you explain one phenomenon, considering how it impacts on individual life, then deepen into social and cultural aspects.
I am not good at the grammar and language things, and this computer can only type english. Sorry for could not help you much.

Answer 3

我稍微说一下，reality TV已经有很久历史了，所以不能说是fresh form，所以你这是夸夸其谈，建议：要说明这是中国国内的情况。第二，字数太多考试的时候不一定写得完。

Answer 4

写得一般，再修改下吧，你观点的表达简单了一些。

Answer 5

我觉得哈 观点句一定要清晰要具体 比如你第二段第一句话概念就很模糊 说可以有很多的好处 要点明是具体什么样好处 这样才好展开来写～第三段写缺点也是 要具体 主体段写4-5句就可以了 不然你这个考场根本写不完的说

你可以写两个好处 然后反驳一下写个缺点 这样层次更分明一些

用词我米具体看了.应该还是可以的吧 不过你再梳理一下结构 应该能拿好的分数！

我后天考试 攥人品 加油！