Question

英语高手看过来,帮我修改一份英文的自我介绍

也不是特别正式的介绍,就是一家纺织外贸公司要我说为什么选择他们公司的Export Staff职位.我给大家简单说一下我自己,我06年毕业的,我的专业是商贸英语,听说读写凑合.之前在一家家具外贸公司做了半年,主要从事外贸跟单,接待客户,收发英文E-mail这样的基本工作.现在想换一家公司,,但是我英语底子不是很好,麻烦大家帮帮我这个忙,看一下下文还有什么语法错误,语句不通毛病的,帮偶修改一下下,当然润饰一下更好,偶在这谢谢各位语林高手啦~
During past 6 months I worked in the Shanghai ** Furniture Company, Ltd, and got to a social person. My job is a trading assistant, I clearly know there is much knowledge I need to learn. The knowledge of books are very limited, I want to learn more knowledge from works to increase my social experiences.
With regard to my major is Business English, I want to find a job which has relation with my profession so that I could acquire the profession knowledge as quickly as possible. In the trading field, there are many good chance you may catch it, if you are a prepare man. But I think profession is not the only standard which a man chooses the job. As an excellent graduated student, I think the most advantage is one has the capability of learning. No matter what he does, he/she should have a good ability to accept new business easily and control it quickly. That’s the reason is why I choose your company.
Shanghai, as a fashionable, modern, international city of China, the investment location of million of Multinational company, overseas-funded enterprises, which will need to more the complex talent, so I’m learning Japanese, computer skills in my free time. I want be a prepared man when the chance coming I could catch it.
If you choose me ,I think I won’t let you down.
真的很感谢大家,我觉得大家提的意见都很好,真不知道把分分给哪位高手.

所以,我选择了抓阄~~

嘿嘿,谢谢大家.我修正过后的文章新发表了,大家有空过去看看,题目是"(英语高手看过来,帮我修改一份英文的自我介绍)的修改后文章"

最后,谢谢大家!!!

Answer 1

In the past 6 months, I was working in Shanghai ** Furniture Company, Ltd. My job title’s trading assistant. (这里应该多讲一下你的第一份工作，突然跳到下面，太唐突了)I clearly know that there is so much for me to learn. What I learn in college is quite limited, but I have been learning quite a lot during my first job, not only in terms of specific knowledge, but also social experience.

My major in college is Business English, and I want to find a new job which’s related to my major, so that I can acquire the profession knowledge as quickly as possible. In the trading field, there are many good chances, one may catch it only if he’s fully prepared. However, I think profession is not the only standard for my job-hunting. As an excellent graduated student, I think the most advantage is that I have strong ability of consistently learning new things.

That’s the reason is why I choose your company(根本没有讲到为什么选择那个公司的理由).

Shanghai, as a fashionable, modern, metropolitan city in China, is the perfect investment location of hundreds of Multinational companies, and overseas-funded enterprises, who needs more and more complex talents for its future development. I have been learning Japanese and enhancing my computer skills in my free time. I want to be a prepared man when the chance comes to me so that I could catch it.
I am really desired to be a member of your company.
==================================================================

以上作了不小修改.
上面的自我介绍最大的问题不是表达问题，是逻辑问题.中式英文没什么，大家听得懂就行了，但是没有清晰的思路，英语表达再好也徒劳.建议楼主按这样的思路来应付那个公司的英文自我介绍.

1, 大学，专业自我介绍

2，第一份工作的情况，比如你的工作是什么，你学到了什么，为什么离开，这三个东西是用人单位非常非常想知道的.

3，你对目标公司的了解，一定要说为什么想加入那个公司.可以说一下他们公司的好话.面试之前最好先了解.

4，你的最大优势.即是为什么别人要选择你而不是其它人.

Answer 2

6 months ago I was graduated and joined in the Shanghai ** Furniture Company, Ltd, and became a member of the society .
(during后就跟进行时，成为社会人不能说a social person)

My (first)job is a trading assistant,(as a new comer), I know there is much knowledge I need to learn clearly.(副词要放在动词后）

The knowledge which I learnt from books is very limited,(书本的知识并不少，只是你学的少而已） I want to learn more knowledge from works to increase my social experiences.

as my major is Business English,(with regard to 是关于的意思） I hope to find a job which is relative to my major, so that I could master the profession knowledge as quickly as possible.

In the trading field,(in the kingdom of trade) there are good chances everywhere,but only a prepared man can catch it.(到处是机会，只有准备好了的人才能抓住）

But I think profession is not the only standard which a man chooses the job.

As an excellent graduated student, I think the most advantage is I has the capability of learning new knowledge and business.(为什么要用one呢，我就是我嘛）

No matter what he does, he/she should have a good ability to accept new business and master it quickly. That’s the reason why I choose your company.

Shanghai, as a fashionable, modern, international city of China, is located with millions of Multinational company, overseas-funded enterprises, which will need a lot of persons who have comprehensive knowledge, so I’m learning Japanese, computer skills in my spare time.

I want be a prepared man ,so that I could catch the chance when it is coming .
If you choose me ,I think I won’t let you disappointed.
(短文的思路不是很清楚，还须稍作修改，祝你成功哦！！！！）

Answer 3

During (the)past 6 months I worked in the Shanghai ** Furniture Company, Ltd, and got to (be) a social person. My job(position) is a trading assistant, I clearly know there is much knowledge I need to learn.（时态） knowledge （from）books are very limited, I want to learn more knowledge from working to increase my social experiences.
With regard to my major is Business English,(Since I am a business English major) I want to find a job in relation with my major so that I could acquire the professional knowledge as quickly as possible. In the trading field, there are many good chances for you, if you are a prepared man. But I don't think major is the only standard which a man chooses the job. As an excellent graduated student, I think the most advantage is that one has the capability of learning. No matter what he does, he/she should have a good ability to accept new business easily and control it quickly. That’s the reason why I choose your company.
Shanghai, as a fashionable, modern, international city of China, the investment location of millions of Multinational companies, overseas-funded enterprises, will need more talents, so I’m learning Japanese, computer skills in my spare time. I want be a prepared man when the chance coming I could catch it.
If you choose me ,I promise I won’t let you down.

你的表达上有一些中文的倾向，问题不是很大，我可以完全了解你想说的，你的意思也就是说专业不是择业的唯一标准，一个人关键是有学习的能力，但是我认为在讲述原因的时候还要加上你对这个行业以及这家公司的认识和观点，也就是说清楚你选择这个公司的理由.

Answer 4

我不是高手:)
但看完感觉你的英文不错哦,就是表达得有点啰嗦了,我觉得不如直接了当一点把自己的特长优势突出来呢,写多了错误也就多了嘛.
(纯属个人意见)