Question

帮忙看看有没有语法错误~详解会加分~

1900 is a man who born in the ship Virginia and lived in the ship and died in the ship . His piano talent and brilliant skill made him very famous and it will bring wealth to him . But he refused . He never go to disembark(下船). When the World War II was end . Every sailor (船员) in Virginia has gone away the ship . But he stayed in the ship . Three weeks later he died with the ship in an explosion .

I think this film want to told us the attitude to fame and wealth . 1900 never go disembark . And he never think about the wealth he would get if he go disembark .He is a pure man .

Answer 1

1900 is(0) a man who born(1) in the ship(2) Virginia and lived in the ship(3) and died in the ship(3) .

(0) 用过去时
(1) 在这里应用被动式
(2) 在船中,车上,飞机上,一般的表达是 on board
(3) 太多in the ship,除非是故意的写作效果

建议句子
1900 was a man who was born, lived and died on board the ship Virginia.

His piano talent and brilliant skill made him very famous and it(4) will bring(5) wealth to him .

(4) it 指的是什麼,talent或是skill,或是这个情况,建议用 which从句,不用 and
(5) 时态不用将来式,可以考虑用 would have(意思是应会,但没有...)

建议句子
His piano talent and brilliant skill made him very famous, which would have brought wealth to him.

But he refused .

He never go to disembark(6).
(6) disembark直接作动词便可以

建议句子
He never disembarked.

When(7) the World War II was end(8) . Every sailor in Virginia has gone
away(9) the ship .

(7) 由於有when在前面,这句子未完,不应用句号
(8) end直接作动词
(9) 意思不好

建议句子
When the World War II ended, every sailor on board Virginia left.

But he stayed in the ship .

Three weeks later he died(10) with the ship in an explosion .
(10) 意思不太好,died可以用於他身上,用在船上则不自然

建议句子
Three weeks later his life came to end with the ship in an explosion.

I think this film want(11) to told(12) us the attitude(13) to fame and wealth
.
(11) wants
(12) to tell
(13) 意思不好, attitude 前面按你的心得加上形容词,何如 a right

建议句子
I think this film wants to tell us a/an (形容词) attitude to fame and wealth.

... a right attitude one should have towards fame and wealth.

1900 never go(14) disembark .
(14) 时态

建议句子
1900 never went ashore.

And he never think(15) about the wealth he would get if he go disembark(16)
.
(15) 过去时
(16) 用第三种if 句子的时态

He is a pure(17) man.
(17) 意思不太好,如果指完美,可考虑用 perfect

Answer 2

1) Every sailors in Virginia had left / abondoned the ship but he still stayed put .

2) I think this film want to tell us the attitude towards fame and wealth .

改了点希望你满意... ^_^

Answer 3

a man who born
改成
a man who was born

He never go to disembark （go to 去掉 disembark加ed）
或者改成
He never go on shore 从未上岸

When the World War II was end
改成
When the World War II ended

最后一段
I'm deeply touched by 1900's attitude towards fame and wealth.
尽量不要用“电影告诉我们什么什么”的句子吧