Question

2.帮忙看下我写的雅思写作文章.高手来

帮忙看下我写的雅思写作文章.高手来 请多多指教 Many animals and plants are dying out today. What are the causes and what are your solutions?题目是这个...下面就是我的了 Wat is under controversy is the side of animals and plants are dying out.As view on this issue vary from people to people,therefore there is bound to a long-lasting debate on it. Firstly,from 19th to 21th century,great development of technology were leading to air pollutions what is the main reason.That is to say we must be to dominating the air pollutions. Secondly,with the development of the persons life style.Almost all persons are relaxing.They may be forgetting to protecing the environment and they are only to enjoy life.That is the second reason.This is mean to be improving persons consciousness. Thirdly,many rich persons wants to holding more lands,therefore they must be to constructing more and more buildings.Many animals and plants are no to breathe,what is the third reason.then persons must to be binding to its risks. To sum up,i'd like to do many availability things for animals and plants in my power.I hope all persons can doing with me.I think our worlds will be better.

Answer 1

1，字数不够;
2，开头段背景交代的不明确，跟问题没关系，应该大概讲下cause和solution;
3，貌似你写的段落没有中心句，第二段后面的support
sentences不清楚，而且就一句话是不够深入的，详略得当不是这么略的，而且注意连接词;
4，要求写cause和solution，我大概看了，似乎你写了三个c，没有s;
5，结尾段。。。跟主题关系不大;
6，虽然你用了很多比较好的词汇，但是语法错误漏洞很多，至少单复数上的错误就不少，这样很容易看出单词是故意背的，文章作者的基础还是很薄弱的。
一家之言仅供参考，欢迎高手。