Question

很短的英文故事 帮我改下 语法/用词的错误 XX

感觉一时用过去式 一时用现在式怪怪的
高手帮我修改下 谢了
改得好++分
Fiona and David is a happy couple, but unfortunately, they separate in an accident on their journey. David is searching all over the place for her. When Fiona wakes up, she find out she lost her memory in nowhere. Accidentally, she meets Jay, a farmer who falls in love with her after they live together. All good things will come to an end, David found Fiona, but he is so distress because she can’t recognize him. Until he shows their love token, and she recalls everything. At last, they continue their journey.
这个故事要用"现在时态"噢
it happens as i speak

Answer 1

Fiona and David is a happy couple, but unfortunately, they separate in an accident on their journey.

—— separate 虽然表示“分开”，但是却有婚姻结束的含义，应该改为 stray from each other.

David is searching all over the place for her.

—— 改为 David is searching where they have been for her.(找遍了他们曾汲去过的地方)

When Fiona wakes up, she find out she lost her memory in nowhere.

—— 此处与上文衔接不够紧密，应该补充过渡段并修改如下：
During she stays apart, Fiona falls asleep where she is staying alone. When she wakes up, she finds out she her wallet is nowhere with her.

Accidentally, she meets Jay, a farmer who falls in love with her after they live together.

—— 与上文的时空无法衔接，因此也得修改。
Accidentally, she meets Jay, a farmer, and she has to live with him for short time. Finally, he falls in love with her.

All good things will come to an end, David found Fiona at last, but he is so distress because she can't recognize him.

Until he shows their love token, and she recalls everything. At last, they continue their journey.

—— until 引导都是状语从句，但是却没有主句，致使句子不通，应该改为：
She doesn't recall anything until he shows his love just as in the past.

Answer 2

Fiona and David were a happy couple.
这里的be动词要随主语变化，所以用复数形式。

But unfortunately, they got separated in an accident on their journey.
separate 主动形式意为分居，被动形式指被分开，符合文意。

While David was searching everywhere for his wife, Fiona woke up only to find out that she had lost all her memories.
用while来进行一个对比会更好。另外all over the place虽然有时等于everywhere，但指的是静态的情况，到处寻找是动态，用everywhere更好。

Accidentally, she met Jay, a farmer who fell in love with her after they lived together. As all good things will come to an end, David found Fiona.
加as不光使语法正确，更明确了逻辑关系。另外will要保留现在时形式，因为说的是普遍真理。

But he was so distressed because she couldn't recognize him. Until he showed her their love token, and she recalled everything. At last, they continued their journey.
一般叙述故事都是用过去时，除非在电影情节提要中会用现在时。

Answer 3

楼主。until那一句，我觉得用not until句式更常规一些。比如改成——Not until he shows their love token does she recall everthing.
楼主通篇用的都是现在式啊。没有看到过去式。这样就好吧。不过从内容上看，结尾多写几句他俩重逢的场景更好些。
另外，all good things will come to an end 。这句前面加上but和上下文承接更好一些吧。
个人意见哈。

Answer 4

Fiona and David were a happy couple, but unfortunately, they were separated in an accident on their journey. David searched all over the place for her. When Fiona woke up, she found out she lost her memory in nowhere. Accidentally, she met Jay, a farmer who fell in love with her after they lived together. All good things would come to an end, so David found Fiona.But he was so distressed because she couldn’t recognize him. Until he showed their love token, she couldn’t recalled everything. At last, they continued their journey.

这是一个已发生的故事，因此应该用过去时。另外，该用被动的地方应使用被动。

Answer 5

改正之后的(因为是讲述已发生的事情，建议用过去时态）：
Fiona and David were a happy couple, but unfortunately, they separated in an accident on their journey. David searched for Fiona all over the place. When Fiona woke up, she found out that she lost her memory and didn't know where it was. Accidentally, she met Jay, a farmer who fell in love with her after they came to live together. All good things would come to an end, David found Fiona, but he was so distressed because she couldn't recognize him. Until he showed their love token, she recalled everything. At last, they continued their journey.
既然你要求现在时态，给你一个现在时态的：
Fiona and David are a happy couple, but unfortunately, they separate in an accident on their journey. David searches for Fiona all over the place. When Fiona wakes up, she finds out that she has lost her memory and doesn't know where it was. Accidentally, she meets Jay, a farmer who fall in love with her after they come to live together. All good things will come to an end, David finds Fiona, but he is so distressed because she can't recognize him. Until he shows their love token, she recalls everything. At last, they continue their journey.