Question

帮忙估分并且批改一下雅思的大作文 最好是老师。

帮忙估分并且批改一下雅思的大作文 最好是老师。

Is it beneficial for teenagers to spend a large amount of time on TV，video and PC games? It was once assumed that it is positive because it can broaden adolescebts’ horizons. By contrast ,there is a widespread belief that it is negative owing to our health . As for me , I consider it is unfavorable for youths for the reason that they may be out of self-control and do bad on their study.

One of the disadvantages is the problem of health. Due to watching TV too much , numerous youngsters become couch potatos and get obesity. In addition, if children always play PC games and watch TVs, they will get poor eyesight. For example, my 10-year-old cousin called Mickey whose eyesight were really excellent. When he began to play computer games day and night without relaxing . He wore glasses this year. It is playing too much games and watching TV that allows his eyesight to be poor . Therefore , I believe that to spend a large amount of time on TV, video and PC games id detrimental.
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Another demerit is study problems . Because of playing PC games watching TV and videos, students do not have enough time to focus on their study , It means that they are wasting time . As a result they cannot achieve high marks in their examinations. One of my classmates , who has the highest GPA in my class . Since he always played PC games and watch TV . Last term he failed most of the exams . And in this term , he controled himself well and took the first place in the end.

In conclusion , teenagers spending a large amount of time on TV, video and PC games has both opportunities and challenges. They can absorb new knowledge easily by it . While it ban have a terrible influence on their study . My view is that it is unfavorable for youths. Actually , children should spare time to do it but they need to strengthen the ability of self-control.

谢谢！

Answer 1

翻译：它是有利于青少年花大量的时间看电视,录像和电脑游戏吗?它曾经假定它是积极的,因为它可以扩阔视野adolescebts。相比之下,人们也普遍认为,这是由于对我们的健康有消极。至于我,我认为那是不利于青少年的原因,他们可能做坏自我学习。

困难之一的健康问题。由于电视看得太多,许多青少年都成为沙发土豆和肥胖。此外,如果孩子们总是玩电脑游戏,看电视时,他们会得到视力差。例如,我10岁表哥称为米奇的视力很好。当他开始玩电脑游戏昼夜不放松。他戴着眼镜。这是玩游戏,看电视太多了,使得他的视力很差。因此,我相信,花大量的时间看电视,录像和PC游戏id有害。
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另一个缺点是学习的问题。因为玩电脑游戏看电视和录像,学生们没有足够的时间去关注他们的研究中,这意味着他们是在浪费时间。作为结果,他们无法达到很高的分数在他们的考试。我的一个同学,我班上最高的成绩。因为他总是打电脑游戏和看电视。上学期的考试,他失败了大多数。在这个学期,他和控制自己拿第一名。

总之,青少年花大量的时间看电视,录像和PC游戏既有机遇和挑战。他们可以很容易吸收新知识。虽然它禁止有严重的影响他们的学习。我的观点是,这对年轻人是不利的。实际上,孩子们应该空闲的时间去做这件事,但是他们需要增强辨别是非的能力,自我控制。

Answer 2

4分或者4.5分。
1 单词拼写错误比较多。
2总体的格式你是按着MLA格式走的，可是句子间逻辑不好，总体逻辑不好。主题句含混不清。
3小的细节很有问题，简单说teenagers spending a large amount of time on TV, video and PC games has both opportunities and challenges. 看电视怎么是“机会”和挑战“呢，要么是抄来的，要么事中文呢在指挥英文字符
4你稍微加强一下句子总体架构逻辑，还有句子间的逻辑合理性，还有小的细节还有中式英语去掉，上6分还是不难。