Question

高分悬赏，雅思作文批改

很简单的题目，我看看我的文章能的7分不,请从词汇，标点和立意等方面批改：
In some countries,the national traditional art are facing extinction.Some people think that the government should support them.Do you agree or disagree?What should the government do?

It is widely accepted that traditional art is the marrow of one nation's culture,however,various kinds of traditional art all over the world nowadays are facing a serious situiation in survival.Personally,government should,as many people assert,take responsibility for protecting traditional art.

Traditional art is ,undoubtedly,national treasure since it is a mirrow of one country's custom and culture.Increasing number of people nowadays pay less attention to their traditional art because of the influx of popular exotic culture.Wht matters even more is the fact that there is no other better candidate than government in providing large-scale financial assistence and blueprinting long-term plan in traditional art preservation.

Government,in return,will definately benefit immensely from traditional art support.Firstly,sense of national identity among people is bound to be boosted dramatically.Secondly,reputation of government is also increased which improves relationship between government and citizens.What is more,thriving tradition art attracts bunch of tourists and create thousands of job positions available for local economy,improving and boosting tourism and workforce marketplace.

To the measures,it is important to understand that protection is a huge and complicated project,requiring effort from different areas.To the government,the following suggestions are practical and feasible.For one thing,a long-term and overall schedule is needed in advance.For another,government departments and mass media also need to promote the public interests of traditional art in order to attract more and more people.Finaicial assisence is also encouraged.Finally,coures relating to traditional are and culture also should be incorporated into curriculum of primary and secondary schools.

Answer 1

In some countries,the national traditional art are facing extinction.
这句话的表达方式错误，不能用这样表达，应该改成：In some counties, the national tradition art has been facing extinction.

It is widely accepted that traditional art is the marrow of one nation's culture,however,various kinds of traditional art all over the world nowadays are facing a serious situiation in survival.
这句话要改下表达方式和时态及成分残缺，因为这已经成为了一个事实了，并且面临严重的情况，应该改成：It became an accepted fact that the tradtional art was the narrow of one nation's culture,however kinds of traditional art from which all over the world nowdays has been facing a serious situiation in surival.

Personally,government should,as many people assert,take responsibility for protecting traditional art.
这句话的用词有问题，改成：Generally, government should, as many people comment,have responsibility to protect traditional art.

Traditional art is ,undoubtedly,national treasure since it is a mirrow of one country's custom and culture.
这句话表述不好，我帮你改成：That traditional art is national treasure is no doubt , for it is a mirrow of one country's custom and culture.
后面的句子是对前面半句的解释。

Government,in return,will definately benefit immensely from traditional art support.里面的immensely是多余的。去掉。

reputation of government is also increased which improves relationship between government and citizens.这句话表述让人费解，表达不好，改成：popularity of government is also raised by improving relationship between government and citizens.

What is more,thriving tradition art attracts bunch of tourists and create thousands of job positions available for local economy,improving and boosting tourism and workforce marketplace
这句话要修改些词汇，改成：Therefore, thriving traditional art could attract a number of tourists and offer thousands of job positions for local economy,improving and boosting tourism and workforce marketplace.

文章大体上没有什么问题，只是用词方面不太准确，还有就是尽量多在不同地方变化相同意思的单词，语态也要注意，还有你的语法存在一些问题，从句部分应多看看，多体会。

Answer 2

结构内容都很OK了，祝你成功