Question

求英语笑话～拜托啦～

是一个讲故事比赛要用的，所以要长一点的，大概三到五分钟，有一定的故事性，有转折么的，引人深思发人深省的就更好了……不过最关键的是要好笑啊～冷笑话也不错～还有啊，英语的，别整汉语的让我翻译……水平有限，干不了这事……先谢谢了～
拜托不要太常见的……打酱油的一边去 二楼三楼的太古老了……

还有同志们那 我是大一的……不是幼儿园大班一班的……别给我整那么幼稚的……
好的加分~~~

Answer 1

Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.

The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman."

"Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?"

"They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once.

"Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.".

迪克年龄七岁，他的妹妹凯瑟琳五岁。一天，妈妈把他们带到姨妈家去玩，自己就到大城市去买些新的衣服。

孩子们玩了个把小时，在四点半的时候，姨妈领着迪克走进了厨房。她交给迪克一块精美的蛋糕和一把刀子，并对他说：“喏，迪克，给你刀子，把这块蛋糕一切为二，给你妹妹一块。不过，你得记住要做得像一个绅士那样。”

迪克问：“像一个绅士？绅士怎样做呢？”

他姨妈马上回答说：“绅士总是把大的一块让给别人的。”

迪克说了一声“噢”。他对此想了一会，然后，他把蛋糕拿给妹妹，并对她说：“凯瑟琳，你来把这块蛋糕一切为二吧。”

Answer 2

dwdwd

Answer 3

Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”

Answer 4

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
一个人正在看报纸，他的妻子走到他身后，用一只煎锅敲他的后脑勺。
He asks, What was that for?
他问道：“干什么？”
She says, I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it.
她说：“我在你口袋里发现了一张写有‘Betty Sue’的纸条。”
He says, Jeez, honey, 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I bet on. She shrugs and walks away.
他说：“哎呀，亲爱的，‘Betty Sue’是我赌的那匹马的名字。”她耸了耸肩，走了。
Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
三天后他正在看报纸，妻子走到他身后，又用一只煎锅敲他的后脑勺。
He asks, What was that for?
他问：“又干嘛？”
She answers, Your horse called.
她答道：“你的马打电话来了。”

Answer 5

Einstein and God
爱因斯坦与上帝
Einstein climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord..."God, what does a million years mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A minute." "Einstein asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny." Einstein asks, "Can I have a penny?" The Lord replies, "In a minute."
爱因斯坦登上西奈山与上帝近距离交谈。仰望着上帝，他问道：“神啊，一百万年对于你来说相当于什么呢？”上帝回答：“一分钟。”爱因斯坦问：“一百万元对于你来说又相当于什么呢？”上帝回答：“一分钱。”爱因斯坦问：“能给我一分钱吗？”上帝说：“请等一分钟。”