Question

求求大家帮我看看托福作文 求求你们了

题目：
Some people think governments should spend as much money as possible exploring outer space (for example, traveling to the Moon and to other planets). Other people disagree and think government should spend this money for our basic needs on earth. Which is these two opinions do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
正文：
A profound changes of the modern technology has been seen in recent years. With the develop of the technology, people have created many high technological things to explore our space with the help by the government. Some people agree that this is a good idea. Meanwhile, still some deem that the government need to spend more money to people’s basic life. I agree with the former. Because technology is now playing an important part in the world. it’s worth doing it.

The government need to spend money to the technological space programme. Nowadays, the resource on earth has been decreasing with an incredible rate. It been proved that the resource on earth will be soon used up in a century. So we need to spend more time and money on the space programme and try to find the new resource instead of the one on earth.

Also, some of the space’s resource is much better than the earth’s. Like the soil on Moon we can grow fruit on moon and it also grows better than in earth does. For example, the Chinese spaceship travelled on Moon and grew a kind of capsicum on it in 2004. When the spaceship travelled again to take the capsicum back. Scientist found that the capsicum which is grown on moon is much bigger and sweeter than the earth’s. that can be proved that the soil on Moon is better than earth’s. so it’s worth for government to spend money on space programme to explore the universe.

Last but not least, we can travel to the space and visit other planet as an entertainment in the future. Nowadays, there are many various kind of entertainment for human being to enjoy. As time go by, it will become boring. Then we will be more looking forward to using high technology for entertainment, such as travelling to space and go for a holiday on Mar or Moon in the future. It will make human’s life much more colorful.

In conclusion, it is a good idea for the government to spend money as much as money they can to support the space expert programme. Because there are many various of resource will be found if we keep on exploring on it. And also it will entertain human in the future by travelling in the space.

Answer 1

A profound change in modern technology has been seen in recent years. For example, people have created many high technological things to explore the universe with the help of oure government. Some people agree that it is a good idea to explore the universe. However, some people deem that the government need to spend more money in people’s basic life. I agree with the former because technology is now playing an important role in the process of society and it’s worthy in doing it. (我对你的这段作了修改，不过，你的最后一句，就是使你的理由，你支持政府把钱花 探索宇宙的奥秘上，那么你的理由是什么？ 理由要是开发宇宙的好处，而你在讲科技的好处是什么，科技和社会的好处)

The government need to spend money in exploring the technological space programme. Nowadays, the resource on earth has been decreasing with an incredible rate. It been proved that the resource on earth will be soon used up in a century. So we need to spend more time and money on the space programme and try to find the new resource instead of the one on earth. ( 这一段也不对，第一句就不对，所以我没有帮你怎么改，因为你要的时理由，这个要写你支持那个观点的第一个理由是什么)

Also, some types of resources from the space are better than the same types of sources in the Earth. For example, we can plant fruit on Moon’s soil. {and it also grows better than in earth does.(由于本人对生长在地球上的植物和生长在月球上的植物有什么不同了解不多，所以这句你要自己写，不过你这句写的不好)} In 2004, A Chinese spaceship landed on the Moon and planted a type of capsicum on the Moon. When the spaceship came back to the Moon, Chinese astronaut took the capsicum back to the Earth. Scientists found that the capsicum that was planted on the Moon was much bigger and sweeter than the one in the Earth’s. Therefore, it’s worth for government to spend money on exploring the universe.

Furthermore, we can travel to the space and visit other planet as an entertainment in the future. Nowadays, there are many various kinds of entertainment for human. As time goes by, it wil get boring. Then we will more look forward to using high technology for entertainment, such as travelling to space and go for a holiday on the Mars or Moon at that time. It will make human’s life much more colorful.

In conclusion, it is a good idea for the government to spend money in support the space reasearches. Some types of resources in the Unverse are better than the resources in the Earth. It will be the major entertainmen for human beings in the future by travelling to travel in the Universe.

Answer 2

A profound changes of the modern technology has been seen in recent years. With the develop of the technology, people have created many high technological things（啥是high technological things? 两个形容词连用你的high 是修饰things的？而且thchnological是啥意思你想想。直接用 technologies 或者 high-tech invention） to explore our space with the help by the government. Some people agree that this is a good idea. Meanwhile, still some deem that the government need to spend more money to people’s basic life. I agree （全是agree,用uphold,believe,think 都行啊）with the former（少个one,形容词不能直接当代词，the + 形容词指一类，不指代特定一个）. Because （because是连词，这句话可以和上面一句连着。严格来说连词在句首单独成句是错的）technology is now playing an important part（play a ...part? 还是用role吧） in the world. it’s worth doing it.（“it”代指什么？ 前面的那个名词？）

The government need（单三needs, need 太多了，用obliged, destined,should替换）to spend money（money太多了，换成fiscal income） to the technological space programme(少个s). Nowadays, the resource(还是用服输吧) on earth has been（这个就不需要用被动时态了吧） decreasing with an incredible rate. It （has）been proved that the resource on earth will be soon used up in a century. So we need to spend more time and money on the space programme and（表示目的，把and换成in order to 吧） try to find the new resource instead of the one on earth.

Also（换个吧，这个关联词太挫了）, some of the space’s resource is much better than the earth’s. Like(.....连成一句like表举例，你把它拆开实在是别扭) the soil on Moon we can grow fruit（少个s） on moon and(用个which不就行了，用and表并列？并列什么？) it also grows better than in earth does（能想起来很不错，不过是than does in earth不解释）. For example, the Chinese spaceship travelled on Moon and grew a kind of capsicum on it in 2004. When the spaceship travelled again to take the capsicum back. Scientist found that the capsicum which is grown on moon is （was）much bigger and sweeter than（those grown on） the earth. that(that 放在句首表示主语从句？不是。that作代词？这个词不能代指一个句子，只能代指某个名词。故而这个词用错) can be proved that the soil on Moon is better than earth’s （改成better than that on the earth）. so it’s worth for government to spend money on space programme to explore the universe.

Last but not least, we can travel to the space and visit other planet as an entertainment in the future. Nowadays, there are many various(....many+ various, 您罗嗦到极点了....) kind （前面many，后面还是单数啊？）of entertainment for human being to enjoy. As time go(单三啊~~) by, it（it 指什么？） will become boring.（你这句话表示转折意思，却没有转折连词，切割成两个句子就是不伦不类。第一句前面加个although，然后把两个句子合并就行了） Then we will be more looking （动词-ing前面没有be动词？）forward to using high technology for entertainment, such as travelling to space and go（前面travelling还记得变成名词，后面go就忘了变成going了） for a holiday on Mar or Moon in the future. It will make human’s life much more colorful.

In conclusion, it is a good idea for the government to spend money as much as money they can to support the space expert programme. Because there are many various of resource will be found if we keep on exploring on it. And also （典型的罗嗦重复，and also任何情况下都不对。别乱用连词，这里用个and算什么意思？）it will entertain human in the future by travelling in the space.

严格来说，你的语法非常差，单词用的也很低级。而且还喜欢自己瞎造词组。还是从基本功练起。多背背单词，系统的学一下语法吧（可不是让你去做中国高考或者什么厚厚的语法书上的破题。）