Question

求雅思作文批改（小作文而已，100悬赏，跪求老师改作文）

这是剑4的第一篇小作文，澳大利亚的贫困人数占该类的比例的数据图。

The table graph gives the data about a breakdown of various kinds of families who were living in Australia in 1999.

It is obvious,aged people took up the least proportion of the below in comparison to all the people in these types,among which single aged people's proportion was 6%,while couples was about 4%.Thereafter,single was a dramatic cause which brought about the impoverishment,people who remained single (no matter whether they have children or not )occupied the biggest data of whole graphs,which was about double of people who were married.What's more ,as can be told by the graph,most people were tend to get a populous family——geting marriage,having children,or living with whole family members,there was only a few people living in poverty in these types.

快考试了在不停练习中。
3L的同学，谢谢你按照我的原文添加重写的，不过你的问题很多诶。一开始就来all the other xxxxx。重复了。然后估计我批改你的还有好多。不要过分的为了展示＋那么多重复的东西，那样的作文在雅思考场上会被老师说很啰嗦吧。而且限定的150字小作文，那些添加词会造成无法在规定时间内完整表达意思。不过还是很谢谢你。2L的同学，我老师已经帮我改过了，但是没有详细的。只是估了个分，所以我想听详细的建议。

Answer 1

以下希望能帮到你：

The table (or "graph") shows the data about the breakdown of different kinds of Australian people in 1999.

It indicates obviously that the aged took up the least proportion in comparison to all the other types of people. Among them, the single aged people's proportion was 6%, while the couples was about 4%. Thereafter, the single aged had made a dramatic cause in bringing about the impoverishment. The Australian people who remained single, no matter they had child or not, occupies the biggest number in the table (or "graph") , which is about double of the people who were married. What is more ,as it can be told by the table (or "graph"), most of the Australian people were tended to form populous families —— getting marriage, having children, or living together with all the members of the whole family. In conclusion, there was only a few people lived in poverty in that time.

Answer 2

不错

Answer 3

这里没什么老师。去你学校找不是更好

Answer 4

很不错了